“New Intern” Added to Patient’s Problem List

Joining the ranks of “Congestive Heart Failure,” “Chronic Kidney Disease III,” and “Mood Disorder (Unspecified),” local patient Summer Days’ inpatient active problem list has expanded to include “New Intern” as well now that fresh faced young doctor Heather Bell has joined her team.

Dr Bell is diving into intern year after spending the last 2 months travelling Southeast Asia, and then using the rest of her government issued loan money on a combination of cheap wine and expensive cheeses. The mixture of resveratrol and sub-clinical H1N1 exposure has caused intellectual decline in intern Bell that has unfortunately not been in proportion to a decline in confidence. To the contrary, now that she has been able to write “MD” after her name Heather has gained a new-found sureness that cannot be swayed by overbearing seniors or evidence based medicine.

Ms Days has been on the front-lines of this all-out assault as Dr Bell, much like a Bumble with a toothache, has brought chaos to an otherwise calm and deliberate hospital course. Whether abruptly stopping Summer’s beta blockers because of an “asthma” history, withholding all diuretics because the electrolytes were “off,” or cutting off nightly Seroquel so Summer can learn “coping skills,” Heather has been flexing her new doctor muscles so hard that she may develop a hernia. “I can’t tell which is swelling faster, Heather’s head or Summer’s ankles” commented the floor charge nurse.

As of press time, Dr Bell was seen writing a detailed, well thought out transfer note for Ms Days’ trip to the ICU.