Surgery Residents Bring Other MDs to Work for a Day

"Are you sure we should keep going?"

surgeon

5:00 am: Arrive at hospital.

Peds and Psych are borderline comatose still. Medicine seems confused to find that the hospital lights work this early in the day.

Anesthesia is saying that he’s already hungry.

Radiology is running late.

5-6 am: Print lists and write down all of the vitals and labs. Preround.

ED is intrigued to discover that you have to look at numbers and patients yourself and don’t just have a nurse to call you with the ‘red numbers’.

Psych asks, “How can you tell what her mood is if the entire assessment is just pushing on her belly?”

6 am: Start rounding on patients with the team.

Anesthesia wants to take a break and asks where the free smoked salmon and breakfast buffet are.

6-7:15 am: Round on patients. Write all orders. Finish all notes. Tee-up discharges and drop off scripts.

Peds and Medicine are shocked that you can use the computers to write notes and put in orders at the same time.

Radiology starts complaining of a headache from looking at so many moving 3D images. When told that that’s what patients look like in real life, she mutters that ‘it’s too bright in here’ and excuses herself.

7:15-7:30 am: Sign in patients for the OR.

Anesthesia is really concerned that he’s going to miss out on brunch.

7:30 am – 7 pm: Operate while also juggling all consults, floor issues and discharging patients.

Peds starts whimpering during the middle of the second operation. He later says that he felt overwhelmed by everyone’s ‘mean tone’.

Anesthesia falls asleep and almost falls onto the patient.

OB/GYN wonders why you don’t hub the veress needle upon entry and later seems confused when you make a point of finding fascia and closing it.

Medicine wonders when you can cap on consults after you get your 6th consult of the day.

ED asks in the middle of a Whipple at 5 pm who you’re going to sign out to since the shift is over?

7 pm or when ORs are done: PM round on the floor patients again. Place new orders, follow-up on labs/tests/findings and update patient’s families.

Anesthesia, Medicine, Peds and ED start… Oh who am I kidding, everyone’s disappeared by now.

Being a professional pecker checker is a hard job that lends itself to a whole trove of great ball jokes and awkward situations. Being a female member of the stream team is even better. Through medical satire, I strive to expose and share as many cringe-worthy and lmao experiences as I can.
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