WASHINGTON, D.C. – It is well-known that we are still in the midst of the Great Toilet Paper Crisis of 2020. In a newly-issued guideline, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) now recommends that all Americans reuse toilet paper.
“If health care professionals can reuse masks, then the American public can reuse toilet paper, it’s very simple,” said FDA spokesperson Dr. Vera Gross, stating that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and FDA need to be consistent with their messaging. “Wipe, save, wipe again, save again. Repeat indefinitely.”
Gomerblog has found that numerous hospitals are rationing their supply of surgical masks by asking healthcare workers to reuse them for an entire week before replacing. This is likely the basis for the new FDA recommendation.
“Healthcare workers have been asked to reuse surgical masks for as long as one week, sometimes even longer,” said Dr. Brock Hammersley, an orthopedic surgeon who has been forced by the COVID-19 pandemic to become an intensivist managing non-bony things such as a ventilators and vasopressors. “If we can sacrifice our faces, then the public can sacrifice their butts.”
In related news, the FDA is expected to announce sometime this upcoming week that health care workers and the American public reuse alcohol-based hand sanitizer.
