ANCHORAGE, AK – Still not over the frustrating failure with Rogaine (minoxidil) in October 2017, our nation’s symbol was spotted clearly wearing a wig in a weak attempt to his hide his alopecia and male-pattern baldness.  “That’s right, I look just like all the other eagles with full heads of hair, all real, baby,” the bald eagle said with a little more pep in his step.  The bald eagle doesn’t realize we all know he’s wearing a wig.  That being said, it is certainly amusing; from certain angles the bald eagle does resemble John Lennon or any other of the Fab Four.

ANCHORAGE, AK – In a rare instance of frustration, a fuming bald eagle agitatedly paced up and down the branch of a Sitka spruce as he confided to Gomerblog how he still can’t believe Rogaine (minoxidil) didn’t do a thing for him.

“Ugh, Rogaine shmogaine,” the bald eagle said assessing his own head in a mirror, obviously disgusted he looks exactly the same since first using the product 12 months ago.  “Look at me, just look at me!  Still bald!  Still a bald f**king eagle!  Damn it to hell, Rogaine’s the worst.”

The bald eagle isn’t sure what to do next.

“I don’t know, right now I don’t even want to think about it,” he continued, sort of resigned, though he hasn’t ruled out the possibility of calling to get a refund.  “Whenever I’m frustrated, I just eat myself silly.”  The bald eagle excused himself.  “F**k it, time to hunt for some rabbits, squirrels, and prairie dogs, get my mind off things.  Want some?”