bald eagle Rogaine
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bald eagle Rogaine
Thanks for nothing, Rogaine

ANCHORAGE, AK – In a rare instance of frustration, a fuming bald eagle agitatedly paced up and down the branch of a Sitka spruce as he confided to Gomerblog how he still can’t believe Rogaine (minoxidil) didn’t do a thing for him.

“Ugh, Rogaine shmogaine,” the bald eagle said assessing his own head in a mirror, obviously disgusted he looks exactly the same since first using the product 12 months ago.  “Look at me, just look at me!  Still bald!  Still a bald f**king eagle!  Damn it to hell, Rogaine’s the worst.”

The bald eagle isn’t sure what to do next.

“I don’t know, right now I don’t even want to think about it,” he continued, sort of resigned, though he hasn’t ruled out the possibility of calling to get a refund.  “Whenever I’m frustrated, I just eat myself silly.”  The bald eagle excused himself.  “F**k it, time to hunt for some rabbits, squirrels, and prairie dogs, get my mind off things.  Want some?”

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  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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