ANCHORAGE, AK – In a rare instance of frustration, a fuming bald eagle agitatedly paced up and down the branch of a Sitka spruce as he confided to Gomerblog how he still can’t believe Rogaine (minoxidil) didn’t do a thing for him.
“Ugh, Rogaine shmogaine,” the bald eagle said assessing his own head in a mirror, obviously disgusted he looks exactly the same since first using the product 12 months ago. “Look at me, just look at me! Still bald! Still a bald f**king eagle! Damn it to hell, Rogaine’s the worst.”
The bald eagle isn’t sure what to do next.
“I don’t know, right now I don’t even want to think about it,” he continued, sort of resigned, though he hasn’t ruled out the possibility of calling to get a refund. “Whenever I’m frustrated, I just eat myself silly.” The bald eagle excused himself. “F**k it, time to hunt for some rabbits, squirrels, and prairie dogs, get my mind off things. Want some?”