Home Surgery Colorectal 45-Year-Old EM Physician Reflects Back Upon 4.0 GPA in College While Manually Disimpacting Patient

45-Year-Old EM Physician Reflects Back Upon 4.0 GPA in College While Manually Disimpacting Patient

Gomerblog Team
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98
"4.0 GPA, a top medical school...now this"

PENDELTON, IN – Departmental Emergency Medicine Chief Dr. Glenn Henderson was seen staring off into space daydreaming on Monday morning, while digitally disimpacting a 90-year-old nursing home patient, Onis McBurgrontree of Pendleton, IN.  With his right index finger firmly implanted in the patient’s rectum, Dr. Henderson remembered the days of hard work and sleepless nights while in the pre-med program at Indiana University.  “I had a 4.0,” he could be heard whispering under his breath, while gradually removing the dry, clay-like fecal material.

em physician
“4.0 GPA, a top medical school… now this”

For a brief moment, a smile was seen on his face when reminiscing about his acceptance letter into medical school nearly 20 years prior.  The smile soon faded when the entrapped gas from Mr. McBurgontree’s colon escaped into the ambient atmosphere and Dr. Henderson realized that he was in room 15 of the ED.

Upon delivery of the 3-lb. stool, Dr. Henderson removed his gloves and began wiping away a small tear from his right eye.  Next he was handed a chart to begin assessing his next patient for a chief complaint of “left eyebrow pain for 10 minutes.”

98 COMMENTS

  3. True story – I once saved an elderly gentleman from a temporary pacer insertion when I noticed he was impacted. (I saw the signs while changing his linens after he arrived from the ED.) Removed the impaction & his heart rate came right up. He was transferred to telemetry later that day and back to his nursing home in less than 48 hours. I sh*t you not! (See what I did there? Ha!)

  5. Incorrect.
    It is not a separate charge/fee but bundled into E &M. Potentially coded if done under anesthesia.
    As an ER doc have done plenty.

  7. Do you know the difference between a trial lawyer in a Porsche and a cactus ?

    The cactus has it’s prick on it’s outside

  13. As a first year medical student, I want to learn more about the man who manage to perforate his colon, then the liver, then the RA of the heart…sounds way too far up someone’s butt to not die?

  14. Guess I’ve been doing it wrong all along- apparently I can just let the nurses do it according to some folks on here !
    Usually I just give the patient $1 in quarters and tell them to go by the car wash and put the wand on “soap”…..

  23. Now those are jobs for docs. When my nephew missed out on getting an ER residency, I told his Dad, he would never be happy in the ER. He would never be able to deal with the bullshit cases. Much more suited for critical care.

  24. I haven’t done too many but have removed a few foreign objects: light bulb, Smuckers jam jar, too many vibrators to count, carrot with a condom on it, coke bottle (not broken), badminton shuttlecock (Yes there were jokes about the game), water glass and that was a repeat offender. He was back a few weeks later with another one. Plenty of broom handle perforations of the sigmoid. One really bad one went through the liver into the right atrium. I guess he slipped and fell.

  27. I did disimpactions too and worked Perioperative until I retired. Saw the number of disimpactions really rise as they started hiring BSN and MSN nurses who no longer kept records of patient’s bowel movements. WE didn’t have the impactions back in the 60’s and 70’s that wind up in the OR like we have lately. I was a patient at two different hospitals this past year . I had to scream like crazy to even get a stool softener after 5 days of no BM.

  28. It is actually, I remember a doc saying a disimpaction is good $$. If only is nurses could charge for procedures, we would be working our butts off to do extra things…hmmm, think I’m on to something.

  29. Interesting in that there is no hospital in Pendleton, IN except at the reformatory. Is this fiction? Why would a 4.0 GPA relieve someone of the responsibility of this duty? Tell the physician to drive his Mercedes back to his million dollar home and ponder this further. I’ll bet the patient felt better, which is all the physician should worry about.

  45. Clearly, you work with a bunch of assholes (pun intended), because, oh yeah, we do have this distinguished privilege in my world! As much as it sucks, I can handle this over vomit any day!

  58. Glad to hear he removed his glove before wiping his eye. Also note that this is one task that nurse practitioners haven’t tried to wrest from the domain of tasks performed only by physicians (or a medical student under physician supervision).

  59. At what point did someone smack this person in the head and told him to shut the fuck up, get into his Mercedes, go home to his McMansion and screw his attractive, high-maintenance wife?

  71. My favorite surgeon did a disimpaction with patient under sedation for burn debridement…he then stood there holding a huge handful with a totally confused look and finally asked me “what should I do with it”? All the while discussing the hard boiled egg (just one, but “it’s a big egg”) that he was going to eat for lunch! Smh lol

  76. Yes and when he jumps into his 911 Turbo while calling his second ex wife to pick up his son for the weekend with his 20 year old girl friend that 4.0 GPA will be the furthest thing on his mind.

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