RALEIGH, NC – North Carolina has the proud distinction of being the first state in the country to require nurse licensure. In 1903, the NC General Assembly enacted laws to regulate the practice of nursing and in 1905, nurses were required to pass an exam in order to be registered and practice the profession of nursing. For this reason, it only seems fitting that NC be the first state to implement statewide nursing awards and recognition for exemplary, compassionate, and professional nursing. The following nurses are recognized and praised by their healthcare facilities and given fancy plastic trophies for their hard work.

In the coastal plain region of Eastern NC, New Hanson Medical Center near Wilmington, recognizes Jamie Moore, RN of Wrights Beach for service beyond the call of duty. Fellow nurses and coworkers report nurse Moore delivered 274 meal trays in one busy ED shift with only 42 trays being rejected by patients and sent back to dietary.
Hospital CEO John Merco states, “This is phenomenal! Nurse Moore generated almost $10,000 in dietary charges in one shift and that’s never been done before.” Nurse Moore also won the hospital’s coveted Gold Star for Dietary Revenue award. And “the most amazing thing,” quotes Merco, “is that she delivered those meal trays while working a Code Blue at shift change. She’s quite a little money maker!”
The Piedmont region of central NC recognizes Nurse Robert Reznick, RN from Raleigh. Nurse Reznick is lauded by his coworkers and hospital administration for outstanding I’s & O’s. In lay terms, this is “in’s & out’s” and simply means this award goes to the nurse who has gone the longest without urinating, eating, or drinking. Hospital CEO Aaron Compton states, “During a major weather event, the hospital was on internal disaster and the staff was required to stay and work for 72 straight hours in which time Nurse Reznick did not eat, drink, or go to the bathroom once!”
Wade County Medical Center CNO Sara Housman states “this is the kind of dedication we have come to expect from our nurses and staff.” Nurse Reznick was generously given the next morning off from his duties and allowed to transfer overtime work hours to the next week.
In Western NC nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, Cash Memorial Hospital’s CEO Luke Lambert proudly announces the winner of the Nurse Excellence Award for Colonics. Nurse Patty Johnson, RN was selected by her coworkers, peers, and patients for managing 17 constipated ED patients in one 12-hour shift. Nurse Johnson worked tirelessly, quickly, and efficiently having as many as six triple H enemas hanging at one time and five digital dis-impactions. The well-known triple H enema stands for “high, hot, and helluva lot.”
Nurse Johnson was reported to have run out of bedside commodes, bedpans, and emesis basins at one point and one coworker said he thought “she was on roller skates she moved so quickly.” Amazingly, Nurse Johnson accomplished these tasks while suffering from influenza. Lambert stated, “This is fairly routine for a busy day in our ED, but Nurse Johnson handled it with exceptional aplomb and efficiency, so in this case, her supervisor agreed to sign her meal exception form.”
At an award ceremony at the Velvet Cloak Inn in Raleigh, the Governor of NC, along with his mentor Artie Hope, praised the three dedicated nurses in each of their respective areas of excellence. I n his statement, the Governor stated, “These three exemplary nurses embody what nursing is all about in NC. Revenue! These fine young people ignored personal needs, fatigue, and illness in order to better the revenue cycles of their respective facilities.” It should also be noted that the Governor is personally responsible for increasing revenues in numerous NC corporations by defunding unnecessary education in the state.
*SIGH!* I’m confused yet again – isn’t this supposed to be a satire site?
Yes the hospital I used to work for gave a coupon for a free coke or coffee from cafeteria for exemplary work. Which was only open during the day. Nights were screwed.
better revenue cycles? seriously?
Hmmmmm… Sounds familiar
To hell with the trophys
Give me a raise.
I could not agree more.
From PhD to PhD for sponsoring their PhD while not being at the bedside for the past 25 years YET developing the latest and greatest policy on how how Cal Stat alone is the most effective prevention against angry patients waiting in the ER waiting room 12+ hours waiting for their dilaudid and work note with evidence based practice and practice based evidence. *whew*
Terri DeWees
Brilliant satire…love, love, love this article.
Lol
Rachel Luckhart Olson
Lol !!
Glenda Grigg
-Received coupon for 2 cookies and a small coffee in jun 2012 after effectively deescalating angry family members while en route to 50 the successive call bell in 1 hour, ignoring bladderspams and plantar fascitis pain.
Seems more impressive somehow.
Hear hear! :)
I’d rather eat cookies and have a thank you from peers than fake recognition from upper management. But only one is good on a resume… How ridiculous.
I am no longer active in clinical or surgical practice, BUT…I loathed the way nurses were treated by administration (and many other physicians for that matter). I learned as a student to take care of the nurses. I always sent flowers or cookies to the nurses stations for holidays or special events numerous times per year. Their job is as thankless as the physician’s work to the bean counters.
Or cookies…cookies solve a myriad of nursing problems
Haha especially if they are sponsored by a glove company
Mary-Beth, Janice