What ‘Thank You for the Interesting Consult’ Really Means, Part 2

This is a continuation from our first post: What “Thank You for the Interesting Consult” Really Means, Part 1.  Let’s go!

Nutrition

Translation: Like it or not, I’m recommending a multivitamin.

OB/GYN

Translation: Not another pelvic exam for today?!  Sheesh!

Occupational Therapy

Translation: You know PT and OT are different, right?

Ophthalmology

Translation: Please learn to spell “ophthalmology;” it has two H’s.

Orthopedic Surgery

Translation: (1) I don’t have a case or clinic today or (2) Get some imaging next time, damn it!  Chances are it’s the first translation.  Orthopedic surgeons never use real words in their note, let alone full sentences.  If real words are used instead of terms like WBAT, that orthopod probably isn’t busy.

Otolaryngology

Translation: People really need to stop picking their noses.

Palliative Care

Translation: Should’ve consulted us six months ago.

Pastoral Care

Translation: I’ll do what I can to summon divine intervention.

Pathology

Translation: Inadequate sample.

Pediatrics

Translation: You know this kid’s parents are crazy, right?

Pharmacokinetics

Translation: How on earth are you allowed to write prescriptions for patients?

Physical Therapy

Translation: Why did you consult us?  This person’s been bedbound for a decade!

Plastic Surgery

Translation: Yeah, we won’t be able to fix this one.

Psychology and Psychiatry

Translation: If you think this guy’s crazy, boy, do I have some stories for you.

Pulmonology

Translation: This could be interesting, but let’s treat with steroids anyway.

Radiology

Translation: Bet you didn’t expect these incidental findings.

Rheumatology

Translation: Hate to disappoint you, but this is just osteoarthritis.

Social Services

Translation: Trainwreck.

Speech Therapy

Translation: This patient won’t pass the modified barium swallow!

Urology

Translation: Genitals haunt me in my sleep.

Vascular Surgery

Translation: Wow, I didn’t know an aorta could do that!