CINCINNATI, OH – Last Tuesday, against all odds, 86-year-old Gerald Reynolds, finally passed gum swallowed during his childhood. Experts everywhere have stressed to children, at a young age, that “if you swallow that gum, it will stay inside you forever.” GomerBlog had to verify via a week-long PubMed search, but did confirm this was the first case of gum actually passing through a human being. This 78-year-old gum will be analyzed for its authenticity to see if it is actually gum, if it is, this new discovery may change science forever.
“I didn’t expect to see it when I stood up,” Gerald told reporters. “I saw this bright pink ball in a sea of brown. Then like any 86-year-old obsessed with his bowel movements, I brought the sample in right away to Dr. Froster.”
The leading cause of death among teenagers is bowel obstruction dues to a over build-up of gum swallowed at school. Doctors still stress that it would be better to be caught with gum than swallow and have a permanent obstruction in your body.
Dr. Foster warned the public in a statement: “Until further research can be done to show how Mr. Reynolds was able to go against all medical knowledge in the field of gum swallowing and actually pass gum, we highly recommend not to swallow gum.”
This topic will surely be brought up at the next presidential debate.
