Will I Cry During This Admission?

The hospital can be a scary place, even to frequent fliers.  With so much uncertainty about what to expect, it would be nice to have a guide to help identify risk factors for distress and discomfort.  If you answer yes to any of the below questions, you may be in for some crying during your admission.

Are you a man with a lot of tattoos?

Is your significant other telling everyone that walks by how high your pain tolerance is?

Do you take more than three types of pain medications daily?

Are you an infant?

Are you admitted due to a gunshot wound, motorcycle accident, or cocaine-fueled ATV accident?

Do you currently have disability paperwork in your hand?

Did you hear the words “medical student,” “lumbar puncture,” or “pelvic exam” in the same sentence?

Are you a young male who has been told he will be getting a Foley?

Are you restricted to the hospital’s gluten-free menu?

Did you come to the emergency department for Dilaudid and a sandwich?

Are you being transferred from an outside hospital at 5 PM on a Friday?

Do you drive a Hummer?