Ok, it is time to be brutally honest to our patients. As health care professionals, we want to take amazing care of them. We want them to heal. We want them to feel better. But sometimes the greatest barrier to taking care of our patients, are in fact the patients themselves.
A few rotten apples have led so many medical providers to unfortunately become jaded. With these tips, we can hopefully stop the vicious cycle of jaded professionals and ultimately provide better health care.
![hospital patient](http://gomerblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/8800806_m-300x206.jpg)
Alas, here are 21 tips for patients when receiving medical care. Let’s get the word out, save some lives, and make our days/nights better!
- Do not check into the emergency department with fast food or a soda can in hand, especially if you have a intestinal complaint.
- Refrain from cussing out your nurse, doctor, PA, NP, receptionist, or anyone else trying to help you.
- Never state your pain is 10/10 while texting on your phone.
- Check your panniculi (fat rolls) for food or foreign objects before coming to the hospital. Try to clean them out. There is nothing more embarrassing than us finding a fried chicken leg in a deep fold.
- Do not push the call light for help or for a turkey sandwich immediately after your nurse has left.
- Do not think your nurse is your personal waiter or waitress at a restaurant or an employee at the Hilton.
- Please keep your arm or wrist straight if your IV is positional, unless you enjoy listening to Michael Bolton.
- Surprising as it may seem, remember that there are actually other, probably way sicker patients than you in a hospital. Have some patience.
- Stop saying “I have a really high pain tolerance.” You are here in pain, so NO you likely don’t.
- Don’t blame nurses or other staff for being too busy. Blame hospital administrators for continuing to raise the patient to staff ratio.
- Don’t cherry pick your Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) status. Either make it DNR or a Full Code.
- Please stop pretending to have a seizure in the emergency department. WE ALL know when you are faking.
- A simple “Thank you” or “I appreciate it” goes a long way when talking to your care givers.
- Try to refrain from spitting or throwing feces at your health care providers.
- Nausea or constipation symptoms are not allergic reactions.
- “Heart races” is not an allergic reaction to epinephrine.
- Spider bite to your AC? Really. Please stop using this excuse and come up with something better to hide your drug abuse. Many hospitals are now just dispensing Dilaudid if you ask for it.
- Never, ever, start a sentence with “Dr. Oz says.”
- If you can’t remember what medications you take, write them down so we don’t have to rely on our extremely accurate (thick sarcasm) computer EHR systems to “just look them up.”
- If you have a pacemaker or ICD, keep a goddamn card in your wallet or purse with the manufacturer info. Seriously, you have a AARP card and a Cracker Barrel gift card in there, but nothing on your pacemaker?
- If you don’t have real contraindications to vaccinations, VACCINATE! Why are we even having this discussion in the year 2018?!
Why are you even on this page if these things offend you so much?
Jare RN
“: 21 Tips on How to be Good Patients: From Health Care Professionals – http://t.co/CEOcTumFAS #foamed http://t.co/tURmyp8zIF
Happy Birthday………
Hmmmm yep I’m hearing you lol
Belinda Hurst
Holly Johnson. Love it!
Get better, get out, stay out.
actually it’s crohns with severe anemia and left over pain from a broken c5. my point is your joke is now public record. it’s available to nurse recruiters and worse your patients.
Good advice
Omg! Yes! Scheduling someone for an MRI is fun when they have no idea what kind of metal they have. Lol!
Omg! Yes! Scheduling someone for an MRI is fun when they have no idea what kind of metal they have. Lol!
Omg! Yes! Scheduling someone for an MRI is fun when they have no idea what kind of metal they have. Lol!
Oh how #20 is much needed!!
Oh how #20 is much needed!!
Oh how #20 is much needed!!
Oh man! So perfect!
Oh man! So perfect!
Oh man! So perfect!
I was upset when I read the title of this article… But the content itself is good. Still, I don’t like the idea of labeling patients as “good vs. bad” patients. Nursing and other healthcare professions require a certain level of inference and tolerance, plus lots of education. This would be an awesome article for me if it didn’t suggest we label our patients in this way.
I was upset when I read the title of this article… But the content itself is good. Still, I don’t like the idea of labeling patients as “good vs. bad” patients. Nursing and other healthcare professions require a certain level of inference and tolerance, plus lots of education. This would be an awesome article for me if it didn’t suggest we label our patients in this way.
I was upset when I read the title of this article… But the content itself is good. Still, I don’t like the idea of labeling patients as “good vs. bad” patients. Nursing and other healthcare professions require a certain level of inference and tolerance, plus lots of education. This would be an awesome article for me if it didn’t suggest we label our patients in this way.
I’ve heard the old sandwich one too
Love #3
I think one of the best parts is the intro:
“A few rotten apples have led so many medical providers to become jaded and to have given up on humanity. Through patient education, we can stop the vicious cycle of jaded professionals and ultimately provide better health care.”
So true. Unfortunately, those bad apples are not the ones reading this, or if they do read it, they are the ones who get up in arms pissed off.
You come to the ER because you just threw up the bean burrito you just bought from the taco truck on East 39th. Don’t you know that’s why God invented toilets? Vomiting ONE time is not an emergency!
Give him a break, he’s got the fibro gene.
I agree with you not to tick anyone off. However fibromyalgia is a hypersensitive senonero disorder, neuropathy would be a decreased one. Educate yourself on your health.
Not only texting but eating, watching TV and laughing while on the phone!!!!
Taped to the front of every nurses’ station!
I was always told tip your nurse generously,or was that your waitress.No wonder my foods always cold!!!
After answering with “24” …
I always reply , “So it’s a 10”
Oh dear god take it from someone who knows…DO NOT PISS OFF THE FIBRO COMMUNITY. People whose chronic pain effects their whole bodies with the exception of their forearms, wrists and hands should not be messed with. They can smear your name faster than any community on earth.
Kimberly Wainwright-Morrison. Just sayin
Sadly those that need to read this won’t…or they will be like the guy above and swear that their pain is 10/10 no matter what!
So true!!!
Or have 5 children..!!
Print and give to all pts
What Tami said
It’s just a different sensation
20 and 21 are my favorites. Dead on.
Cigarette butts, money…
No abusing the pain scale. You are not ’24 out of 10′ pain if you’re able to speak.
Does this not seem up to the usual standards of ? It’s a bit… mean.
^^^^^ hahaha!
Classic! I love the pacemaker one. No one ever has info on their freaking implanted devices!
There’s some good stuff in here!
Love these!
A candy bar and the electric bill. And the patient said, “So THAT’S why the power got shut off! I swore I paid that!”.
I work in a clinic. The number of people that walk in (usually talking on their phone) with 10/10 pain is astounding.
This made me laugh much harder than the actual article
I remember when I was a unit clerk people would do this dragging their drag their IV pole down the hall (when they were very intentionally put far away from the station given their frequent flier status) to complain about it
***applause***
NUMBER 10….
I’ve found a sandwich, pill cutter, palm pilot (remember those?!)
All I can say is you grow up, it’s a joke!
@ 1st glance I agree with you. but no, you’re a fool. I spent years with off and on 10 out of 10 pain, with a high pain tolerance (I can self-hypnotize and have proven so to neurologists), I texted my wife to give an ER status bc we both HAVE to work to pay bills. As a healthcare professional, educator, and patient…all I can say is GROW UP. patients are individuals. experience is based upon the individual.
Found an old sandwich once.
I like #16 especially. I’ve heard that several times.
This isn’t funny. I am confused, I thought this was a satire site. All totally true.
Interesting.
hahahahahaha……I’ve heard this.
Amen, hallelujah .
How is the “needle” that different ? I don’t have tattoos….but stabbing is stabbing…..I figure. I’ve had shots, blood draws, injections…..doesn’t the tattoo needle stab ALOT, just shorter stabs and many of ’em ???? That, is why we’re confused……
Too true!!!!
3 and 11 hit close to home for me.
This was a rather sober gomerblog. I wish this were satire.
Liz Rich
AMEN!!!!!
That you cannot breathe, but come back with that SVN after you go outside to smoke. Again.
Cell phones, tv remote contol, and $20….
Since this is Gomerblog, I thought these were all going to be jokes, but they were all totally real! Have heard almost all of these
Buck Rogers – this is something you could have written.
Hannah Van Allen
Ugh. #15 and #16
Really? Chicken bones were found in fat rolls???
Sad but true! All of them!
Filling your emesis basin with white, foamy spittle does qualify as ‘uncontrolled vomiting’ and will not get you IV benadryl.
In reference to #9. I heard she has a high pain tolerance, you know she has fibromyalgia. LOL
Amber Ray-Droddy
and asking for IV ativan “cause you are anxious and want some lunch” is priceless crap
#3 all day, everyday . If you say 10/10 you better be on fire.
Screaming loudly how You can’t breathe does not support your complaint.
Please don’t flirt with me or insinuate that I want to “check out your fine ass” when I come in to give you an IM injection to treat your STD for the third time in 6 months!!!
The worst is when trying to put an IV in a IV drug user with sleeve tattoos who cries and flinches away from the needle!
I thought the same thing as I was reading it! Haha. ” this is all actually true”
I agree with you Melissa. I’m covered in tattoos but I cry like a baby at the mere sight of a needle. I can’t help it. The feeling of a tattoo and a shot are two totally different feelings and sensations.
I can say that I have tattoos and am terrified of needles. It is not the same no matter what people think/say.
I thought this was a satire site, but this is all 100% accurate and reasonable advice
Can I get an amen?!?!
And don’t tell us you are afraid of needles when you are covered in tats!!!
#10!!!!!!
:D
Haha! You have a Cracker Barrel card but no AICD card!
#10, #18. The end.