SALEM, OR – The title tells the tale. Oregonian Nate Carthage is now nearly identical to Nicolas Cage after an unfortunate plastic surgery mishap. On Monday morning, Stan went under the knife for a simple facelift but inadvertently received a face off. On Monday afternoon, Nate woke up feeling fine. When he was allowed to remove the bandages Tuesday morning, Nate syncopized, horror-stricken. He looked identical to Nicholas Cage from Gone In 60 Seconds. From the shifty eyes to the questionable haircut to the robbery of another man’s face, Nate Carthage was… is … Castor Troy.
Nate realized his fatal flaw was not spending enough time researching his surgeon. One quick google search of Dr. K Reaves testimonials reveals that nearly all of his post-op photos contain people with uncanny likenesses to Mr. Cage, including the women.
Furthermore Dr. Reaves’ Facebook page shows him posing with a Nicolas Cage life-size cardboard cut out at parties and attending local premieres of all of his films. Dr. Reaves’ favorite book is listed as Uncaged, the biography of Nicolas Cage. Dr. Reaves notably graduated from residency with Curtis Cutsem who is well known in the plastic surgery world for giving his patients Steve Buscemi eyes, the likes of which can be seen on a quick internet photo search.
Slow to embrace his new look, Nate has yet to realize that he is now a national treasure. His name is on billboards, he is the subject of countless memes, and he was always partial to Angelina Jolie and 1967 Shelby GT500 Mustangs. However, beneath the facade remains Nate, who never aspired to fly a 747 filled with convicts, return from hell on a flaming motorcycle, or battle nerve gas sporting terrorists beneath Alcatraz. He just wanted to be Nate Carthage. Nate is enjoying the benefits of a never ending stream of C movie action scripts arriving at his front door and countless offers to join the next Dancing with the Stars cast.
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