Contact Precautions? Nope Consultants are Resistant to Everything

A recent discovery has sent shockwaves through the Infectious Disease community, with professionals questioning current contact precaution practices. Present for many years, however only recently formally identified, Consultants Resistant to Everything, or CRE, may change the way we approach contact precautions forever.

Dr. Ragh, an orthopaedic surgeon who spearheaded this research project, released a statement outlining the team’s findings, “It appears that when a doctor reaches consultancy level, they immediately become resistant to all bacteria, rendering contact precautions pointless. For example, this would explain why consultants are never seen gowning and gloving prior to entering a gastro patient’s room”.

Researchers have put forth the following hypothesis to explain the phenomenon, “We believe well-tailored Hugo Boss suits, when worn by a consultant, have a certain property that somehow deflects all bacteria, and thus allowing the wearer free thoroughfare from patient room to patient room”.

One infectious disease doctor suggested that perhaps hospitals should provide well-tailored Hugo Boss suits to all doctors, however this has been met with backlash. “How could a consultant be identified in an emergency situation if every Joe, Dick and Harry are wearing well-tailored Hugo Boss suit like me? It would be a logistical nightmare! Not to mention financial…,” stated Dr. Ragh.

Junior doctors are still encouraged to observe all contact precautions, however should not be found gesturing to a consultant to do the same. Junior doctors will just have to wait until consultancy.