“It’s 2 o’clock. Can we check-in with everyone now?”
With the recent move to a new bigger acute care facility, unforeseen staffing challenges have arisen giving way to unprecedented nursing folklore riddled with cautionary tales of nursing-staff-gone-by.
There’s the legend of the mole nurses, an entire underground community of those who got lost in the underground tunnels during the move. Echoes of their rubber soled shoes are all that has been heard from them since.
Or the new orientees who rode the elevator to the roof take in the view. Discovering no return access to the tower below, they’ve since set up a tent city on the rooftop helipad.
Don’t forget about the “Stepford Nurses” assigned to the rarely used extra wing, reprogramed through hours of educational videos through the Be Healthy Program.
“Where are they?”
“They’ll be here,” the Charge Nurse reassures, dabbing his brow with his handkerchief, the sounds of a purring motor and a sudden beeping could be heard approaching in the distance.
The nurse saunters off her jazzy scooter, company issued to assist in covering the mile-long floor, just as alarms begin to ring and firewalls lower. The overhead speaker warns, ““Code Ceil Blue, Penthouse! Code Ceil Blue, Penthouse!” She saunters back to her scooter. “Expectations… need to be… lowered,” she remarks through pursed lips as she peels off down the hall and joins the other staff screeching down the hallway after a nurse on foot.
With some quick maneuvering the closest nurses dismount and bring the fleeing nurse to the ground just as the elevator door opens. She digs her nails into the red carpet, kicking and screaming, “I was just trying to find a staff bathroom to privately poop in!”
“Perhaps a recommendation should be for hourly rounding to be done on the staff,” a nurse suggested, dragging the potential escapee back to the station.
After a quick headcount, it was noted that all remaining staff was present and accounted for.
