DELTA 1342 – Well, I hate to break this news to you, especially since you were just so nice enough to volunteer and help out with this mid-flight medical emergency – we really do appreciate it! – but it looks like the emergency medical kit only contains bicarb.
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What do I mean? Well, uhhh… the thing is…
… I agree, the passenger doesn’t look great, and I’m not messing around… but I swear there’s no blood pressure cuff, no thermometer, and no stethoscope…
Sorry I don’t see any gauze or alcohol wipes… Nope, no face masks, oxygen masks, anything to help with an airway… An IV kit? So sorry, I can’t seem to find one of those either… I don’t see any needles or syringes actually… There is an awful lot of bicarb though…
I agree, they really do need to standardize emergency kits on planes, but… but I’m sorry, I can’t seem to spot any aspirin or epinephrine or inhalers or anything… Nitro? Nope, not that… Maybe it’s this, nah, it’s just sodium bicarbonate again…
No, the kit isn’t empty, it’s actually overflowing with bicarb…
Poll the passengers for meds? Will do… (Two minutes pass.)
I’m so sorry, the passengers only seem to be carrying bicarb.