GOMERBLOG HQ – It was announced earlier today that OJ Simpson was being released from prison after a 9-year sentence for stealing sports memorabilia.  Coincidentally, 33-year-old neurosurgery resident Carson Harry was also released from prison after completing his training at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  “OJ basically did a neurosurgery residency with a couple of fellowships,” said Harry, clearly unimpressed by the former NFL star’s stint in federal prison.

Although conditions in a federal penitentiary are notoriously difficult, reports suggest the life of a neurosurgery resident is just as, if not more, demanding.  “Neurosurgery training is a lot like prison, except there’s way more psychological abuse,” reported Harry.

Harry went on to complain about the terrible hospital food, a call room that was smaller than a prison cell, and long work hours.  Reports also suggest Harry saw his family much less during his training than OJ, a man who was once on trial for murdering two people.  “I should have gone to prison,” muttered Harry, frustrated by the superior quality of life afforded to incarcerated individuals.  “I forgot what my children looked like.”

Both men will be enjoying their new found freedom.  OJ will be able to do anything he wants, while Harry will be working 100 hours per week trying to pay back the student loans he acquired prior to beginning his prison stretch.  During the interview, it dawned on Harry that, as opposed to a convicted felon, he paid over 300K dollars so he could be sent to maximum security residency at Mayo Clinic.

BRENTWOOD, CA – Geez, O.J. Simpson just can’t get a break!  He has been asked over and over again to go into a patient’s room, but there are no gloves that fit him! They just keep ripping.  Every.  Single.  Time.

O.J. Simpson got a job at a local emergency room (ER) after he was released on parole.  Every triage patient that he tries to take care of, he rips his gloves.  “Sorry, I can’t go in there,” he says.  Then he spends the rest of the shift looking for the real nurse.

Administrator Marcia Clark is trying to get O.J. Simpson fired.  “He’s been taking care of patients without the appropriate protection.  I know he has been seeing patients,” she said in-between perms.  “I can prove O.J. has done it, he had a nic-Code Brown all over his hands, clothes, and inside his Bronco.  It’s disgusting.”

The hospitalist, Julie West, is getting pretty annoyed with all his new patients she receives while O.J. is working.  West is particularly mad at the ER attending, Dr. Johnnie Cochran.  “I’m getting tired asking Dr. Cochran if he examined the patient and he just responds, ‘If the Glove don’t fit, you must admit!'”