- At only 32 years of age, he is already quite despicable
- Millions of people refer to him affectionately by his nickname: A**hole
- He is the son of Lord Voldemort
- He is a hobbit
- He is a reason why remote controls have a “MUTE” button
- He is a fan of both Dr. Oz and The View
- He actually cheered when Luke loses his hand in The Empire Strikes Back
- Tiny penis but a giant dick
- Favorite person is himself, followed closely in second by himself
- Unlike a fine wine, he sucks
- Keeps warm at night with blankets made of hundred-dollar bills
- Easily aroused by people suffering
- Don’t be fooled: his face is very punchable
- Has an excellent dentist for all those times his teeth get knocked out
- Believes there is an “I” in “TEAM”
- If he were President of the United States, he would sell it and make a profit
- Whereas humans are 70% water, Shkreli is 100% scum
- Enjoys being ejaculated on
- A new condition that causes incessant anal seepage and syphilis to be named Shkreli syndrome
- Bought the rights to air and napkins, and plans to jack up prices for both
- Plan to use the millions earned to repair his damaged reputation
- Currently seeking the rights to sunlight
- Did the impossible: made us despise pharmaceutical companies even more