NEW YORK, NY – In a bid to capture even more market share in the growing cohort of Americans taking more than ten scheduled daily medications, drug giant MegaPharm has released a new product which promises to alleviate side effects of all other prescription drugs.
Obecon® is the brainchild of Martin Shkreli, who recently sold the rights to the drug to MegaPharm after coming under scrutiny for price gouging and insider trading in the pharmaceutical industry. An FDA mandated package insert lists the potential side effects of Obecon®, which include headaches, dizziness, flushing, upset stomach, mild-to-moderate constipation, muscle aches, dry mouth, itching, nausea, fatigue, blurry vision, and behavioral changes.
Other side effects include halitosis, meth mouth, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, end-stage gynecomastia, Marcus Gunn pupil, steatorrhea, dramatically increased pubic hair growth, and premature bankruptcy.
The new medicine will retail at $650 per month supply, with expectations for a sharp price climb shortly after release due to increased demand brought by direct-to-consumer advertising and pressure on doctors to maintain strong patient satisfaction scores. According to inside sources, MegaPharm researchers are working valiantly to produce a drug to combat the side effects of Obecon®.
