STONY BROOK, NY – On the eve of the Good Samaritan Hospital’s final conversion to an all electronic medical record, local internal medicine legend, Dr. Jefferson Williams IV, decided to treat everyone by delivering one final masterpiece note.
This wonder of medical documentation was one for the ages. It contained 6 different fish bones, 4 navigation arrows, as well as a Venn diagram. The timeless miracle featured writing at 5 distinct inclination angles as well as upside down. Also depicted, were 2 algorithms, a pencil sketch reproduction of a head CT scan, and a verbographical depiction of a physical exam (VeG-P, a term coined by Dr. Williams himself). The presence of a rainbow and a pot of gold is yet to be deciphered.
The document drew from Dr. Williams’ training, dating back when SOAP notes were chiseled on stone tablets. It highlighted his understanding of internal medicine, nephrology, neurology, rheumatology, phrenology, preventative medicine, general surgery, astrophysics, the occult sciences, and even something called “Urban Studies.”
In an exclusive interview with GomerBlog, Dr. Williams lamented the ongoing contest between software makers to create the most confusing and labor intensive EMR that require 24 clicks to order aspirin. He was frustrated, navigating a Cerner window with up/down keys. “My best progress notes were written on papyrus scrolls with squid ink. Back in my day the pathologist heralded a malignancy with smoke signals and the radiologist would squawk chest fluorotube readouts in Morse code,” fumed the old timer as he was searching for X-ray view box in a room with 4 digital screens. “You will never be able to deliver a comprehensive note using using this abomination. The chart will be back!!!”
Practitioners from all over the hospital came to wonder at his last marvel. Orthopedist Axe Sawington was especially interested in the work, himself on an eternal quest for medical documentation excellence.
Sources close to GomerBlog state The Smithsonian, The Library of Congress, and the Medical Documentation Museum & Hall of Fame in Decatur, Alabama, were assembling a team to acquire this historic medical chart relic for their collections. Other sources claim they saw the note ascending into heaven.
