El PASO, TX – Yesterday, at approximately 2:34 pm, on the 5th floor of Holy Cross Hospital, a STAT pediatrics consult was called in for a 58-year-old adult male who was experiencing one of the worst temper tantrums in the hospital’s history.

GomerBlog was able to obtain a phone transcript of the actual consult:

“Hi, Peds, this is Dr. Hubert Bingham.  We have a 58-year-old male who is out of control and throwing what we think is a major temper tantrum.  He doesn’t appear psychotic or hypoxic.”

“Okay, we can help with that.  Make sure the room is cleared out.”

“Guys, get everyone out of the room!”

“What’s the tantrum over?”

“Well, the patient is diabetic and we ordered an ADA food tray for him instead of the ham sandwich that he wanted.  Once he saw the bland crap on the tray, he lost it.  Immediately he started whaling and banging his fists on the table… then…”

“He didn’t flip the tray, did he?”

“Yes, why yes he did.  He flipped it and it flew all over the room.  It was followed by full on screaming.  His face is still bright red and tears are flowing.”

“Yes, you have a full blown tantrum going on.  Okay, just get everyone to ignore it.  Tell him to use his words.  You need to formally tell him he is in timeout.”

“Mr. XXXX, you are in timeout!  He is flopping on the ground now just crying.  Okay, how long in timeout… Ahhh I’m not sure how long we can take this?”

“Stay calm and don’t show fear.  One minute per year, so 58 minutes, not a minute sooner.  Oh, and take the TV remote, computers, cell phones, call light, PCA button, and anything else he can throw, away from him.”

“Ok, done.  He seems to be settling down now that nobody is paying attention to him. Thank you so much!”

“No problem.  Can you place a formal consult in the EHR so we can get credit.”

“Absolutely, you guys have been a life saver today.  Normally we just snow these guys with Haldol and Ativan, but administrators want us to stop doing that.”