Doctor Vows to Not Sleep Until He Finds Cure for Cancer, Retracts That, Vows to Find Cure to Stay Awake First

OMAHA, NE – World famous oncologist Dr. Samuel Potter publicly vowed last week to “not sleep until I find the cure for cancer.”  This big announcement followed the ceremony where his famous lab was awarded one of the largest NIH grants in history.  “Little did I know that staying awake for hours upon hours is one, if not the most, difficult thing a human can do,” Dr. Potter told reporters during a press conference where he was changing his tune.

“I now vow to find a cure to stay awake first, then I’ll work on the cancer cure,” he clarified.  “I normally took sleeping for granted.  I would just lay down every night and wake up the next morning.  It was a choice I made, I thought if I would just choose to stay up that would be easy.”

Dr. Potter went 3 days and by the 3rd day and 32 Red Bulls later he awoke in his lab cover in an odd goo.  His lab notebook was mostly unintelligible except for one page that had “stay awake” written a thousand times in every direction until the page was completely covered.

Turns out it is not that easy to stay awake and cancer cures will have to wait until this sleep problem is eradicated.  Many other oncologists would proclaim they too will not sleep until they find a cure, but unfortunately – with our current medical knowledge – it is impossible.  One must sleep.  And cancer will continue until this major problem is solved.