Pathetic Anesthesiologist Can’t Even Put Own Kids to Sleep

In an embarrassing display of parenting incompetence, 38-year-old anesthesiologist Eric Springer was unable to put his own kids to bed late Thursday night.  That’s right, this board-certified physician, who has spent his entire career making people lose consciousness, can’t even get his two small children to fall asleep.  Reports indicate that Springer’s ineptitude when it came to basically doing the same thing he gets paid 400K to do everyday, resulted in both children being up waaaaaay past their bedtime.

The beleaguered anesthesiologist made feeble attempts to induce sleep like singing nursery rhymes and reading bedtime stories, none of which made a dent in his children’s consciousness.  Springer’s coworkers were shocked when they heard how ineffectual their colleague had been at making two little kids who weighed about 50 pounds each fall asleep.  “I always thought he was a good anesthesiologist,” said fellow physician Rick Spenser.  “They’re two puny little kids.  How hard could it be?”

Springer reportedly arrived to work the next day appearing disheveled and defeated.  Unfortunately, sympathy is hard to come by for a fully-trained anesthesiologist who can’t complete the simple task of knocking out a couple of kids.

According to witnesses, Springer was last seen wheeling out an OR anesthesia cart, loading it into an unmarked van, and driving in the direction of his house.