Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Anesthesiology

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COVID-19: Anesthesia Amazed They Haven’t Been Blamed for Any of This

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SCHAUMBURG, IL - Pandemic coronavirus, COVID-19. Hundreds of thousands infected. Sports suspended. Nations on lockdown. Social distancing. Markets crashing. And it's only just begun. Yet...
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Local Hospital To Pilot Drive-Thru Intubation Clinic In Response to COVID-19 Spread

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GREENEVILLE, TN - St. Indignant’s Health Care System has announced a new partnership with the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services to pilot an innovative drive-thru intubation clinic in the parking lot of...
anesthesiologist intubating

Everyone in the Hospital Knew Anesthesia’s Real Name All Along

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With the COVID-19 outbreak, health systems worldwide are coming up with plans to maximize their resources in the face of this pandemic. With COVID-19 suspected of being droplet spread and the possibility of patients...

COVID-19: U.S. Surgeon General Caught Hoarding All of Nation’s Masks

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Just two weeks after he wisely tweeted "Serious people- STOP BUYING MASKS!" in an effort to prevent a shortage of masks for health care professionals on the front line...
Sudoku

COVID-19: Self-Quarantined Anesthesiologist Running Dangerously Low on Sudoku Supplies

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - An area anesthesiologist who is currently 3 days into his 14-day self-imposed quarantine behind a drape fort is unusually anxious and on edge as he is facing the stark...

That’s So Mean: Hospital Kitchen Sends NPO Patients Empty Tray

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North Portland, Oregon—The defiance of an NPO order, whether intentional or accidental, may have profound consequences, including worsening of symptoms and delay of surgical procedures. In many of theses cases, the patients simply had...
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Surgeons shocked to learn anesthesiologists have actual names

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The plenary session of the annual American College of Surgeons meeting was brought to a standstill last Saturday when the keynote speaker, Dr. Davinci, said that he had determined “to a high degree of...

Local Man Regrets Reading Robin Cook’s Coma Right Before Surgery

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**SPOILER ALERT: Reader beware! This post may reveal key plot details of Coma, a novel that has been out for a mere 42 years. We sincerely apologize for the much-too-soon spoilers. BOSTON, MA—As operating room...

Jesus Christ Himself Scheduled to Perform Miracle, Patient Furious with being NPO

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Mr. Jacobs’ primary team was thrilled when their hospital operator was finally able to get through to Jesus Christ regarding the miracle they were hoping to have performed on Friday. The patient was in...

ASA Admits NPO Guidelines are Entirely Arbitrary

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San Diego, CA- In a move that shocked surgeons and anesthesiologists alike, the American Society of Anesthesia announced today that their NPO guidelines are completely baseless.