Local Radiologist Refuses to Save Daylight

THE READING ROOM – “NO I WON’T DO IT,” radiologist Tim Johnson yelled at his coworkers when the topic of daylight savings time came up.  “There’s too much daylight as it is. We don’t need any more. I’m not saving any of it.”

For years, Johnson has expressed his displeasure of America’s obsession with saving daylight. “I don’t get it,” announced the flabbergasted radiologist. “You can’t do anything in natural sunlight. You can’t read x-rays, you can’t read CT scans, you can’t even read MRIs.  WHAT’S THE POINT?”  Johnson got so worked up talking about daylight, he immediately rushed outside and screamed profanity at the sun.

This isn’t the first time Johnson has openly rebelled against the sun’s natural light.  Last year he proposed building small, windowless cubicles next to the reading room where radiologists could live without the hassle of traveling to and from work in broad daylight.  The proposal was soundly rejected by hospital administration.

Johnson’s coworkers are well aware of his hate-hate relationship with daylight. “You should have seen how happy he got during the 90 seconds of totality during the solar eclipse,” said fellow radiologist Beth Murphy. “He became a huge fan of the moon in that moment.”

Johnson is reportedly planning on wasting as much daylight as possible over the weekend. Witnesses report seeing him creating shadows over people at the park and encouraging children to spend more time indoors.