Local Man Really Enjoyed Solar Eclipse

  • 1.1K
    Shares

ATLANTA, GA – It was a scene filled with excitement this morning as millions of people from all over the country ventured outside to observe the 2017 solar eclipse. Perhaps nobody enjoyed it more than local man Todd Simmons, who was seen shortly after the event beaming from ear to ear with blood pouring from his sun-scorched eyes.  “It was so beautiful,” cried Simmons, wiping away congealed corneal tissue from his cheeks.  “It was even better than I expected.”

Immediately following the eclipse, witnesses reported seeing Simmons let out a big contented sigh, his shirt covered in his own melted retinas.  The 36-year-old Uber driver had been looking forward to the eclipse for months.  “I thought about using those special solar eclipse glasses, but I really wanted the full experience,” announced Simmons proudly as he blindly stumbled his way through the eclipse viewing crowd.

Despite numerous news sources and government agencies, including NASA, encouraging people to use appropriate eye protection, Simmons thought it would ruin the experience. “YOLO,” he stated with a big grin on his blood-splattered face.

At press time, Simmons was seen recounting the extraordinary experience with a nearby telephone pole.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Dr. Glaucomflecken

    Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

doctor updating

Neurology Avoids Disaster Admission, Admits to Medicine

5.5KSharesHAMPTON, CA – Kaiser Health Hospital had a close call this Wednesday.  Thanks to the ...

awareness anesthesia

New Monitor Helps Anesthesiologists and CRNAs Wake Up During Surgery

7.5KSharesPHOENIX, AZ – Maintaining vigilance is vital for an Anesthesiologist or CRNA taking care ...

pills barbecue

GomerBlog’s Tips for Fixing Healthcare

29SharesHey, cave dwellers: medicine is broken.  To fix it we’re going to need a ...

Helps Makes Life Clearer

Doctor Actually Thinks He Is Saving Lives

43SharesWORCESTER, MA – Dr. Danny Trenda, a recent Tufts University Medical School graduate, told friends ...