Calling Report or Transporting a Patient to Another Floor? Follow These Incredible Tips

Doktor Schnabel

8 years ago

Need to transport a patient to another floor after report has been called? Here are some great tips to help facilitate a smooth and seamless transition to the new ward and new team

Don’t empty the bulging ‘about to give birth’ Foley bag

Leave the chart behind, tell them you will be right back with it, but have no intention of ever coming back

Utilize every single patient sticker and just leave an empty stickerless plastic page with outlines of where stickers used to be as a tease

Have all IV bags be completely dry with air in the lines

Transport with soiled sheets, preferable an old accident

Transport at 6:58 or 5 minutes before a plethora of medications are due

Transport right before x-ray, CT, or an MRI is ordered

Transport right before multiple lab orders are due. Hand over a collection of different colored blood tubes without paperwork, especially a T+C for 2 units

Wait for pain to become 10/10 before transporting. Take the route with the most bumps

State that your patient is stable on the phone and act surprised when the BP is 60/30 when you arrive

Accidently pull out the (ET tube, Central line, NG tube, IV, Foley, JP Drain, Chest tube, or any combination) while in route. Shrug shoulders with slight grin upon arrival

Place the patient’s head on the foot of the bed

Bend the power cord prongs to the bed so much that it can’t fit into a socket

Synchronize at least 6 IV pumps to alarm and beep upon arrival to the new room

Steal as many cables and monitors as you can grab from the accepting ward on your way out

Tangle monitor cables in slip knots and square knots as many times as you can. Try to get cables over and under patient. Bonus points for creating a barber pole look with the IVs up an extremity

Show up with several new infusions that weren’t mentioned in report like levophed or vasopressin

Alternatively bring an intubated patient when they were supposed to be extubated. Act surprised when a ventilator is not immediately available or ready to switch over from your Ambu bag and depleting oxygen E cylinder