Friday, August 14, 2020

Nursing Student

Nursing student satire

iv pca infusion pump WiFi

New IV Pumps Have Silence Button Lasting 24 Hours

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GREENVILLE, SC - Hailing it as 2019's best new medical invention, a new IV pump by Shmalaris is like any other competitor's IV pump except it offers one major feature the others...
wound care don't care

The Truth Comes Out: Wound Care Team Actually Doesn’t Care About Wound

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MOUNT LAUREL, NJ - Brace yourselves, a long-assumed notion once held about a certain class of health care professionals has just been completely obliterated: A spokesperson for the Wound Ostomy and Continence...
nurses station

Study Finds No Nurses Station Exists With 1:1 Ratio of Computers to Chairs

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BOSTON, MA - A landmark study published in the Just-Like-New England Journal of Medicine has confirmed that no nurses station in any health care facility across this country has a 1-to-1 ratio...
code doorframe

RN Shocked Code Isn’t Etched Somewhere on Door, Doorframe

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - Confronted with a locked door with an electronic keypad, a nurse was shocked to find that the code was not blatantly etched on the door or doorframe somewhere.
TLC

Sign Out: Patient Just Needs a Little TLC

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ATLANTA, GA - A patient is transferring out of the medical intensive care unit today and, according to the MICU team, "just needs a little TLC" before being discharged home.

Nurses’ Poker Tournament Cancelled Due to Cardiac Arrest

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SEATTLE, WA - In a disappointing turn of events, nurses were forced to cancel their weekly poker tournament when a patient unexpectedly went into cardiac arrest. The patient, who was brought in...
ACTH stim test serum cortisol

New ACTH Stim Test Measures Serum Cortisol Every Minute

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Today new guidelines released by the Endocrine Society (ES) encourage modification of the standard high-dose ACTH stimulation test with measurement of serum cortisol levels q1minute for the entire 60-minute...
stage 5 pressure ulcer wound dressing wound care don't care

After Meticulously Changing Wound Dressing, Nurse Looks Forward to Doctor Immediately Effing It Up

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BIRMINGHAM, AL - After taking 20 minutes to meticulously clean and beautifully redress an elderly patient's dressing over her sacral decubitus wound, nurse Brittany Bingham is really excited as she looks forward...

NASA Nurses Still Awaiting Callback from Extraterrestrial Docs

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Saying it's been well over 45 minutes since they had sent the pages, nurses at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) are still awaiting callbacks from any of several extraterrestrial...
incentive spirometer incentivized spirometer

A Step-by-Step Guide on How to Use Incentive Spirometers (or Marijuana)

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Is this your first time using an incentive spirometer (or marijuana)?  Well, you're in luck: our Gomerblog team has created this easy 15-step process to using your incentive spirometer (or weed).  Don't be intimidated,...
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