Administrator Not Sure What To Do With Survey That Complains About Surveys

RICHMOND, VA – Administrator Craig Brown was dumbfounded yesterday when he received a survey from a patient that was treated at his hospital.  The survey marked excellent marks up and down and the comment section read:

“I had a great experience, the doctors and nurses worked very hard to help me get through my surgery and recovery period.  These surveys, however, are time wasting and useless.  It has been proven time and time again that high patient satisfaction leads to worse patient care.  I know this and I’m not in the medical field.  If you already knew this and still hand out surveys, that makes me nervous to ever come back to your hospital because of the danger administration is creating.  If you didn’t know this, that is even scarier because this is your job to know such things!”

Craig Brown had no idea what to do when he read this.  “So I’m not supposed to hand out surveys to patients anymore?  Then why would I even be working here?  That is my job, surveys.  But if patients complain about [surveys] it must be fixed, that is also what I do.” He continued, “I mean I don’t have any medical training of any kind but I make sure the medical staff does whatever they can do, even if medically unsafe, to make patients happy.”

He went on to describe that his entire existence is in question.  “I tell doctors and nurses how to practice medicine. I don’t have surveys to direct patient care, what leg do I have to stand on?” he asked rhetorically.  “Perhaps I’ll just send out the surveys, and throw them in the trash when they arrive, I mean we already budgeted for them, where else would that money go.”