airplane faa npo after midnight

Hospital Administrator Delivers Clutch Performance During In-Flight Cardiac Arrest

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DENVER, CO – Passengers and crew are counting themselves fortunate tonight as their United Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Chicago made an emergency landing at Stapleton Airport due to an in-flight emergency.  A 68-year-old man, whose name has yet to be released, suffered a sudden cardiac arrest and collapsed somewhere over northeastern Nevada.

United_Airlines_Boeing_777-200_MeulemansA nurse nearby saw the passenger slump out of his seat and become unresponsive.  She rushed to the patient’s side and found that he wasn’t breathing and had no pulse.  Helping him to the floor, she asked for the AED and if anyone else on the flight was ACLS certified.

A doctor in the rear of the aircraft rushed to help, and he and the nurse unceremoniously began the work of attaching the AED, defibrillating the patient, ventilating with a bag mask and oxygen, placing an IV, administering drugs, and briefly giving chest compressions until they determined that the victim had converted to a perfusing rhythm.  Immediate preparations to emergently land the aircraft were begun.

The real hero of the day, however, was Vincent Currie, a high-level hospital administrator for Midwest Healthcare System.  Currie, 46, was reached for comment.

“I heard a commotion way back in that coach area, and I gently put down my single-malt scotch and listened intently.  When the flight attendant got on the loudspeaker to ask if there was a hospital administrator on board, a shock went through my body.  I had heard of other administrators having to help during an emergency on a plane, but I never thought it would happen to me.  I took a deep breath to calm myself, and then gingerly opened my overhead bin, knowing full well that my articles could have already shifted.  After securing my briefcase, I walked briskly to the coach class, passing through this black curtain, where a resuscitation was in progress.”

“At that point, my training just took over and I didn’t even think.  I went into a ‘zone.’  I popped open the briefcase, and found the satisfaction surveys just where I expected them.  I began to pass them out, quickly and purposefully, in a way that said, ‘This may be a critical situation, but I’ve done this numerous times before.’  I got one to every passenger in coach within 10 minutes.  But then pens were an issue.  They were clearly a rate-limiter.  I secured 4 from my briefcase, then sent a flight attendant to get the bin with pens used to fill out customs forms.  I have to say, I was on cruise control.”

Flight attendant Nancy Settlemyer witnessed the event.  “Vincent was invaluable.  He took charge of the situation like a trained professional.  I don’t know what we would have done if he hadn’t been on board.  Without him, those passengers would have had no means to evaluate the event and be heard.  He truly saved the day.”

The surveys have returned, and based on poor passenger satisfaction thanks to the rerouting and inherent delay, Currie has recommended that United institute a policy to never provide medical aid to any passenger aboard a flight in the air.  Instead, crew members are to expeditiously get the patient into the luggage bin under the plane after covering them in blankets, while whistling cheerily and averting all glances from live passengers.

He also ensured that the nurse and doctor who saved the patient aboard the Chicago bound flight were fired from their respective jobs due to their wanton disregard of the other passengers.  The patient, who is reportedly alive, extubated, and harboring no untoward neurologic effects, is ineligible to receive a survey since he was admitted to the hospital.

  • Show Comments

  • phantomwishes

    Um… there was a doctor in the rear of the plane?

  • Smiter

    Haha, Stapleton Airport hasn’t existed since 1995.

  • Willo

    It is a sick joke about the workings of health care today. ……..not too funny but so true.

  • Oh Adams

    Some lawyers reached the family of the patient and tried to convince the, negligence was involved. Currently they are getting sued.

  • Oh Adams

    That is not true. The law also allows medical professional NOT to help. But once he starts to help then he has to go all the way.

  • Oh Adams

    True story: emergency on board a plane and air attendant asked if there is a doctor aboard. A doctor obliged and tried his best to save the patient but he passed away. Family sued the doctor and got 4 million dollar settlement. Welcome to America you foreign doctor.

  • Oh Adams

    Usually air attendants ask for if there is a doctor on board and NOT if there is a hospital administrator aboard. Thats kinda stupid statement. Doesn’t change the fact he did a good job. Well done.

  • Jed Peterson

    that’s the only unrealistic part…lol

  • sonush

    Wow. I didnt Get that. Well with people suing eachother for all reasons, I feel it could have been true.

    Thanks for clearing that up.

  • gomerblog

    You are correct. This article is satire and not true. We were poking fun at hospital administrators and patient satisfaction surveys

  • sonush

    As a nurse from Norway, I have problem understanding one thing. Please explain.

    I know that in US, you can be sued for anything, and witnessing cardiac arrest must be tough For anyone. So asking for evaluation from other passengers, is understandable. Some gives negative review because it was tough thing to watch, or delay their plans or anyother reason.

    But is this for real that you can be fired for giving first aid, because of What other passengers might think. For me its like, i dont really care wether a person live or die, as long as I dont miss my important conference. It mean that if a person is dying in front of you, you wont Help, because you could Get fired.

    AS a health professional, dr or nurses, you have to help.

    Maybe I misunderstood something as English is not my first language, so pls let me know if I am wrong in understanding the article

  • Joseph Schmoe

    The reason this is so FREAKING HILARIOUS is because it’s 100% absolutely true. If you work in health care, you’ll understand.

  • Red Giant

    This article was missing some pertinent information. One administrator on the plane delivered the surveys, once the plane landed, another administrator collected them and handed them to another administrator who counted the surveys, then another administrator recorded the positive replies, another administrator recorded the negative replies, two more administrators were summoned to recheck the work done by previous administrators, three more administrators delivered the results (one being in charge of the pie charts and the other being in charge of powerpoint animations), and a team of outside consultants were hired to give their input on the feasibility and cost/benefit analysis of rendering emergent aid in the future. This consultant report will be given to an ad-hoc commission of a multi specialty team that includes environmental services and dietary services. A final result is expected in 2020.

  • Judith Jacobi Mowry

    The nurse and physician were delayed by paperwork and missed their next flight.

  • SCB

    there is still a landing strip there

  • Habenero Reaper

    Admin knows best…Psh

  • Laura Maskell

    How true is this…… Sadly

  • Brandon Greenberg

    the really funny part is that Stapleton airport was shutdown almost 20 years ago!

  • debbie mercer

    I would have been more impressed if he kept his drink with him and passed out the surveys without spilling.

  • Paul Juergens

    How were the Press Ganey scores?

  • Jody Madden

    That hospital administrator is so impressive, he should immediately be snapped up for a CEO position at one of any number of insurance companies, e.g. Aetna, Cigna, United, Wellcare, BCBS, etc. He’s definitely the kind they look for to fill these very important positions. The pay is pretty good, too. Is the former CEO of United Health Care still in the federal penitentiary? And isn’t that where the illustrious governor of Florida, a former health care executive, should be?

  • Robin Lewis

    That is too funny!

  • Ted Thompson

    Really this is just sooo touching….

  • Gomerblog


  • Linda Sinnwell

    I bet the administrator donates their frequent flyer miles to our military men and women in need.

  • Beth Hudson Soper

    I think I has to takes my chances, ha!

  • Beth Hudson Soper

    Oh, Lawd! Will we get fired if we share this post and an administrator sees it?

  • Carol Buckley

    As a retired Anesthesiology Nurse, laughed my socks off at this. I too attended a medical problem aboard an aircraft. Not as dramatic but didn’t even get a boost on my air miles.

  • Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Administration making sure proper priorities are in order! WHAT would we do without them?!? (Again, GomerBlog, I thought this was supposed to be satire?)

  • Tracy Pearce

    Debra Heidtmann Pearce, your mom might find this amusing, or not…

  • Debbie Blicher

    I like that the admin is in first class and the nurse and doc are in coach. I also *really* like that the doc is in the REAR of the plane, as if he or she made the flight reservation at the last minute.

  • Liliana Padilla-Williams

    Hahahaha great read

  • Jill Pelletier Gambon

    Eh 10k miles will get you from nyc to providence. .lol

  • Cameron White

    Paul White you’ve got to subscribe to these posts haha

  • Steven Schilberger

    I believe the single malt scotch part. Haha

  • Brad Smith

    The real danger of a combat deployment is to Govt computers. I mean I’ve got a loaded pistol and this wants to start acting like an asshole. Who do you think is winning this one Mr Computer

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