Unprepared Patient Cramming for Tomorrow’s Rectal Exam

AUBURN, AL – Forever the procrastinator, nervous and unprepared patient Johnny Sanders has started cramming for tomorrow’s rectal exam in the hopes he can pass.

“This happens to me every time!” Sanders frantically tells Gomerblog, as he quickly leafs through medical web sites and textbooks. “I always wait until the last minute to study for tests. Man oh man, I can’t believe I did again. I really hope I don’t fail!”

According to Sanders’ notes, the rectal exam will be proctored by the patient’s primary care physician (PCP), Dr. Eddie Pharr, at 9 AM tomorrow. He has no idea about the test format, if it’ll be multiple-choice questions, essay format, or an oral exam.

“Do the intestines include the rectum, or is that completely different?” Sanders asked aloud. “And what about the anus, is that the same thing as the rectum? I’m so screwed. I never did well in science and I definitely didn’t major in it in college. Oh, this bad, this is really, really bad. Should I keep reading or maybe just do practice questions? What do I need to pass, a 65?”

When asked for comment, Dr. Pharr seemed shocked. “I’m unaware of a rectal exam. But, now that I think of it, he is due for a prostate exam. Hope he’s ready for that tomorrow!”