CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

CDC Wants to Remind Americans They Can Still Get Their Flu Vaccine Rectally

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CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, rectal, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu vaccine, exhalation, baseline, VaselineATLANTA, GA – With influenza activity expected to pick up in the next several weeks, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) wants to remind Americans six months and older that there is still ample time to get their flu vaccine rectally.

According to the CDC, 900,000 Americans were hospitalized and 80,000 Americans died of influenza and its complications, such as superimposed pneumonia, during last year’s flu season, making it the most deadly season in decades.  Flu activity picked up in November with the highest activity taking place in the months of January and February.  On top of that, high severity was found across rectums of all ages.

Seasonal flu vaccines are designed to protect the body and colon against the 3 or 4 viruses research suggests will be the most common during the upcoming season, historically one influenza A (H1N1) virus, one influenza A (H3N2) virus, and one-to-two influenza B viruses if it is a trivalent or quadrivalent anal vaccine.

“Flu activity is currently very low, so between now and the end of October is an ideal time to have that rectal flu vaccine administered,” explained CDC Director Robert R. Redfield, who states that the vaccine is imperfect but better than not vaccinating at all.  “Those who receive their flu vaccine rectally are less likely to require hospitalization and less likely to die.  This is particularly true in children, pregnant women, elderly patients, patients with chronic conditions, even if they have perfectly healthy a**holes.”

There are inactivated influenza vaccines, recombinant influenza vaccines, or live-attenuated influenza vaccines, but thanks to the latest research developments any of these vaccines can be administered through rectal injection or a lesser-invasive rectal spray.

In addition to yearly flu vaccination, the CDC also wants to stress the importance of washing your hands, washing your rectum, covering your mouth when you cough, and covering your anus when you fart in order help reduce the risk of transmission.

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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