ISIS Plans to Over-Prescribe Antibiotics

ISIS – The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) released a statement on their social media yesterday with their new terror plans:

It isn’t quite clear how the Islamic State got their hands on so many antibiotics, but what is clear is they plan to use them, and use them often.  “This is really scary,” Dr. Craig Dunham of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention told reporters.  “One of the biggest health crisis facing our time is the resistance of bacteria.  MRSA, VRE, and so on.  This move by ISIS will really accelerate bacterial resistance.”  Dr. Dunham continued in a doomsday tone.  “I give it 10 years before we cannot treat common bacterial infections.  We need to fight ISIS, by educating the public about antibiotic overuse.”

ISIS is already recruiting online with propaganda stating: “Finding trouble getting antibiotics for that cold?  Come to ISIS for free Z-Paks, no questions asked.  We will also give more pills than the standard 5 days, we will make it 60 days of treatment.”

They also list on their website common ailments they plan to target, such as:

• Cold
• Flu (influenza)
• Bronchitis
• Most coughs
• Most sore throats
• Some ear infections
• Some sinus infections
• Stomach flu (viral gastroenteritis)

Finally, it comes with the following statement: “Western doctors will tell you these ailments are caused by viruses, but we will force multiple classes of antibiotics on those affected.  We will also constantly change their Wikipedia entries to validate our practice.”

“The changing of the Wikipedia pages is what really scares me,” Dr. Dunham said.  “That means patients will come into my office demanding antibiotics because the internet told them so.  But in actuality, it’s ISIS.”