Infectious Disease

Dr. Fauci announces retirement from NIAID to become Major League Baseball Pitching Coach

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Dr. Anthony Fauci, the esteemed director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, announced this morning that he will be stepping down...
vaccines

Serious About Safety, “Operation Warp Speed” to Enroll 7.8 Billion People in Phase 1...

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WASHINGTON, DC—Leaders of “Operation Warp Speed” (OWS), the government program tasked with developing a Covid-19 vaccine, insist that despite the name, their top priority...

The Joint Commission, Useless in the Time of COVID, to Mandate N95 Timers

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The Joint Commission’s executive team, fresh off a socially-distanced golf retreat at Pebble Beach, reiterated its commitment to patient safety and unreimbursed hospital spending...

Report: Most People Will Survive Pandemic, But Their Livers Will Not

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ATLANTA, GA—A new report released earlier this week by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) contained both good and bad news. The...

DaVinci Announces Partnership with Hair Salons, Tattoo Parlors

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US citizens, eager to have their economy open up, will soon have an exciting opportunity. Hair salons and tattoo parlors have struggled with how...

Conspiracy! Powerful Microscope Finds “Made in China” Imprinted on Virus

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ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could...

Hypochondriasis Fibromyalgica

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Are you feeling a constant itch in the back of your throat? Do you have a headache after binge watching TV or playing 3...
head lice

Frantic Mom Hires Exterminator to Rid Son’s Head of Lice

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PRINCETON, NJ—A major outbreak of lice has struck a local preschool, leading one frantic mother to hire an exterminator to rid her son’s hair...

White House admin to decrease COVID by turning graph upside down

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President Trump announced at a press conference yesterday that the White House would soon be advocating for a new approach to decreasing COVID 19...

SARSbola!!!!!!

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Publicists for SARS-CoV-2 and Ebola have announced that the two highly sought after A-list viruses are now joining forces to become this year’s newest...