Thursday, June 4, 2020

Infectious Disease

Cursed 110-Year-Old Describes Living Through Both Spanish Flu & Coronavirus Pandemics

NEW YORK, NY—Calling herself the unluckiest woman ever, 110-year-old Dottie Livingston is one of the few people who has been alive for both the Spanish influenza and Coronavirus pandemics. “I just can’t catch a break,”...

Dr. Oz’s Show Set to Return After Study Says His Advice Will Only Kill...

NEW YORK, NY—Dr. Oz’s self-titled talk show, which sadly has been on hiatus due to the coronavirus pandemic, is set to resume tapings immediately after a study in The Lancet concluded that the misinformation...

Coronavirus Tests Positive for Joe Exotic

CHICKASHA, OK—Joe Exotic cannot be stopped. The self-proclaimed “Tiger King,” country musician, master illusionist, former Presidential and gubernatorial candidate, and gun-toting redneck simply cannot be stopped. Not by animal rights activists, not by prison,...

Covid-19: Newly Released “Contagion 2” Gives People Much-Needed Escape from Reality

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Understanding that Americans desperately need an escape from the non-stop, grim Covid-19 news, Steven Soderbergh, who directed the very popular 2011 original, announced the surprise release of “Contagion 2: Holy Crap, We’re All...
orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Orthopods Now Offering Virtual Bro-fit Classes

Chicago, IL - Orthopaedists always figured their specialty was science-proof. "One day we will have a cure for heart disease, and the cure for cancer, but we will never have the cure for stupidity,"...
confused doctor

Nervous American Doctors Refusing to See Patients Who’ve Been to America Recently

NEW YORK, NY—At the height of the Ebola epidemic in 2014, medical offices in America constantly asked patients if they’d recently traveled to Africa, declining to see those who had. Similarly, with the novel...

COVID-19: ER Doc Relieved Man in Room 9 Just Having a Heart Attack

NEW YORK, NY—Overwhelmed with hordes of COVID-19 patients filling the Emergency Department at Manhattan Medical Center, third-year resident, Dr. Noah Moe Karona, expressed relief and sheer joy upon learning that the man in Room...

Medical Student at Home Gets Thanked for Helping Fight Coronavirus

At 9am Tuesday morning, medical student Colin G was making coffee in his PJ’s when he received a text from his Aunt Jan. “Hi Colin, this is your Aunt Jan. How are you? I’m sure...

Wuhan Virus Lab intern drank Coronavirus vials instead of Corona beer

WUHAN, CHINA - Chinese officials just released footage that show a Wuhan Virus Lab intern pounding vial after vial of Coronavirus instead of his Corona Beer. "You...

Desperate Hospital Endorses Dirty Sock as Preferred PPE

CHICAGO, IL—As coronavirus counts rise, local hospitals face shortages of personal protective equipment (PPE). With any remaining viable PPE hoarded in the homes of worried-well patients, administrations have been forced to take innovative approaches...