So You’re Paged While in a Bouncy House, What to Do Next

There you are, jumping around happily in a bouncy house when the unthinkable happens: you get paged.  Well, maybe not unthinkable since you are on-call after all.  But shoot!  You’re having so much fun, but you don’t want it to end.  What do you do next?  We’ll tell you.

STEP 1: Bounce around for 30 more seconds.
I mean, even if it’s a dire emergency, it can wait 30 seconds.  Keeping bouncing around and get those endorphins released.

STEP 2: Ahhh, f**k it; bounce around for 30 more seconds.
Come on, you know you want to!!

STEP 3: Take deep a breath.
Prepare yourself for the worst: that you have to exit the bouncy house and enter some place way less bouncy and fun: the hospital.  (Ohhh, do they have bouncy hospitals?!)  Rooting for an incorrect callback number is just setting yourself up for disappointment.  So prepare to go from your incredible high to a desperately terrible low.

STEP 4: Check your pager.
Well, what does it show?  Is it bad?  Is a patient not doing well?  What’s that you say?  You don’t have to go back to the hospital?  Well, isn’t that swell!  VICTORY!  Phew, close call, right?  You almost got PAGED OUT OF A BOUNCY HOUSE.  That, would’ve been, like, the worst!

STEP 5: Throw pager away.
Well, if you’ve learned anything in the past few minutes, it’s that being paged is a buzzkill to your bouncy house experience.  While still inside the bouncy house and using either a sidearm or underhand motion, toss your pager as far from the bouncy house as possible.  An ideal place is if it lands in the trash.  If someone should say “Hey, shouldn’t you hold onto this?” or “Hey, excuse me, is this your pager?” tell them it’s none of their business or, better, accost them with any of several inappropriate physical gestures.

STEP 6: BOUNCY, BOUNCY, BOUNCY!
Bouncy houses are SOOOO MUCH FUN!  YEE-HAW!!!!