Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Neurology

New Hospital Beds Harder to Figure Out Than Acid-Base

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NASHVILLE, TN - Medical staff at Nashville Memorial Hospital are completely baffled by a new fleet of hospital beds on Unit 55-G, saying that it's without question easier to solve an acid-base...

Primary Team Finds Brutality of Neuro Exam Effective Tool to Help Coma Patients’ Families...

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Neurology undeniably holds the monopoly to such insights as, “The prognosis following an hour of anoxia is guarded at best and likely very poor.” Their ability to foresee these abysmal futures has been long...
C-collar cervical collar neck brace

Med Student Struggling to Fit C-Collar onto Woman’s Cervix

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BALTIMORE, MD - A first-year medical student at The Hoppin’ Johns University is struggling to place a woman's cervix into a C-collar this morning. "You plan to do what...
orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus

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BOSTON, MA - Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were dumbfounded this morning when they found that a note by orthopaedic surgeon Brock Hammersley mentioned the finding of horizontal nystagmus. "What...
New England Journal of Medicine New England Journals

Doctor Summons Courage to Toss Unread New England Journals

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Sometimes it's better to acknowledge one's own shortcomings and move on.  That is why we're saluting a hero, internist Dr. Keisha Boots, for summoning the strength and courage to do something...

Makes Sense: Shouting Out “Free Bird!” at Concerts a Form of Tic Disorder

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PHILADELPHIA, PA - It is inevitable when you go to a live concert: Between songs someone in the crowd screams out “Free Bird!”  Well, according to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), shouting out Lynyrd...
tilt table

Breaking: Tilt Table All Crooked & Sh*t

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ATLANTA, GA - In breaking news to Gomerblog, hospitalists, cardiologists, and neurologists at Emory Healthcare have come to a rare consensus, agreeing this tilt table is all crooked & sh*t. "Look at it, just look...
champagne tap cava

Not Quite: Intern Claims Champagne Tap After Sticking Bottle of Moët & Chandon

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BOSTON, MA - An intern’s initial excitement was quickly reeled in after his team pointed out that sticking a spinal needle through cork of a bottle of Moët & Chandon Imperial Brut did not...
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Neurosurgeons Warn Battle of Wits Carries 20% Risk of Brain Herniation

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ROLLING MEADOWS, IL - Engaging in a battle of wits is associated with, among other things, a 20% risk of brain herniation, this according to a new statement released by the American Academy of...
EEG

EEG Fellow Accidentally Gets Within 10 Feet of Patient, Unsure of How to Proceed

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BOSTON, MA - In a rare occurrence, last documented in 1987, a neurophysiology fellow came into the line of sight of an actual conscious patient. "I don't even know how it happened. I was just...
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