27-Page Birth Plan Even Includes a Zombie Apocalypse Clause

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CLEVELAND, OH – Heather Briggins, from Parma Heights, recently was admitted to St. Joe’s in labor at 39 weeks.  She quickly handed her 3-ring-bound birth-plan book to staff.

“Glitter got all over me,” said labor and delivery nurse Shannon Keyes.  The cover consisted of a scrapbook with a picture of Heather and her husband standing behind her, making a heart with his hands over Heather’s pregnant abdomen.

“After the well-decorated cover was page after page of very organized, well-thought out plans,” Shannon continued.

The first few pages contained very typical first time mother wishes: what music they wanted, who they wanted in the room, etc.  Although page 15 stood out to Dr. Fletcher, the obstetrician on call.

“She started to describe what she wanted to happen if she or the baby turned into a zombie,” Dr. Fletcher said pointing at an article.  “I’ve seen some ridiculous birth plans, but this was a first for me.”

From the birth plan: “24.2 – If I were turned into a zombie I would want to still pursue a natural child birth unless there was undisputed scientific evidence that whatever caused the zombie apocalypse could transfer into my child.  In such case, I would like my child removed immediately by whatever means necessary.”

The birth plan goes on to describe what to do if the child is a zombie and Heather remains human:

“24.7 – In such case where I am immune to the zombie pathogen but my child is not and has been verified by ultrasound to be a zombie, I would still like to continue my natural child birth as stated in 3.3.”

She does state that after she gives birth to her zombie child she would like to cancel the skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding until a cure is found.

“24.11 – In such case where we both become zombies, do what has to be done.”

  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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  • Doktor Schnabel von Rom
    Doktor Schnabel von Rom

    What if she had twins, one a zombie, and one human?

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