Monday, August 10, 2020

Psychiatry

Emergency Psychiatry Will No Longer See Patients Unless Actively Committing Suicide

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The Emergency Psychiatry Department at Wakefield Hospital in Minnesota has released a consensus statement outlining the conditions under which they will consult a patient in the ER. While previously, psychiatrists would consult on suicidal...
patient in pain

Patient with Munchausen Syndrome Disappointed to Develop actual Disease

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The sixth-floor inpatient medical ward, a normally bustling wing of the J. Hoffa Memorial Hospital, became decidedly more somber today. The etiology lay in room 605, where a culture-proven case of C. difficile enterocolitis...

Breaking: Hulk Hogan Has Hulkadepression

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BEVERLY HILL, CA - After several decades of recurrent episodes of Hulkamania, retired pro-wrestler Hulk Hogan has been formally diagnosed with his first episode of Hulkadepression. "With both episodes...
elderly lady

Incredibly Narcissistic Patient with Dementia Remains Oriented Only to Self

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In what can only be described as a sickening display of pure narcissism, Gertrude Walters, an 82 year-old woman with advanced dementia, has remained oriented only to herself for the third hospital day in...

Montana Psychiatrist Arrested for Hosting Underground “Emotional Support Animal Fights”

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Bozeman, MT - The wild west just became wild again! Dr. Samuel Oaks, a college psychiatrist at Montana State University was arrested for hosting underground “Emotional Support Animal Fights” for his patients. It all started...

Psych Ward Temporarily Closes after Admitting a Patient with COPD

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Charleston, WV - The Psychiatric Inpatient Unit at Memorial Hospital has temporarily closed due to an unplanned, insidious event. “The day started off as an ordinary day. I came into to work, received report...

Clinically-Depressed Resident Not Flexible Enough for Yoga

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TAMPA, FL - In a sad and tragic turn of events, local resident doctor James Hilden was told that he would never fully be cured from his depression due to his inability to participate...

Move Over Pain Score….the Crazy Score is Here!

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Given the overarching success of the Pain Score leading to the opioid crisis, The Joint Commission (for Healthcare Absurdity) has now added the sixth vital sign in the form of the Crazy Score. It...
New England Journal of Medicine New England Journals

Doctor Summons Courage to Toss Unread New England Journals

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PITTSBURGH, PA - Sometimes it's better to acknowledge one's own shortcomings and move on.  That is why we're saluting a hero, internist Dr. Keisha Boots, for summoning the strength and courage to do something...

Valium Advent Calendar Being Tested by Local Pharmaceutical Company

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Parents will be able to count down the days until Christmas in a much more soothing manner this season. A local pharmaceutical company has started distributing advent calendars filled with...
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