Wednesday, October 14, 2020


staph staff

Staph Aureus Bacterium Ridiculed by for Still Being Sensitive to Methicillin

A single, sad Staph Aureus bacterium has been shunned from its colony for still being sensitive to methicillin in the year 2019. “Apparently it didn’t get the memo,” said the leader of the colony. “This...
work burnout

FDA approves first novel drug to treat medical burnout

TWISP, WA - The US Food and Drug Administration today approved Peaceaudi (Idongivafumab) injection for intravenous use for the treatment of medical burnout. “Medical burnout is a serious condition, which affects thousands of doctors across...
hospital administrators

Hospital Renamed “Our Lady of Perpetual Shortage”

In honor of recent supply chain deficiencies, FDA recalls, as well as loss of manufacturing capabilities from recent environmental disasters in Puerto Rico and the Gulf Coast, St. Ann’s Lying-In Hospital and Orphanarium has...
drug shortages

Drug Shortages Lead OR Pharmacies to Issue Motivational Items

Nationwide drug shortages have forced physicians to consider alternative ways to take care of patients. At the forefront of this movement is the National Organization of Medically Equivalent Drug Seekers (NOMEDS), a pharmacist run...
orthopedic surgeon orthopedics orthopaedics

Breaking News: Orthopod Catches Dosing Error

BOSTON, MA - Rotating Orthopedics 4th year resident, Dr. Brandt Sullivan, caught a medication error at Boston Children’s Hospital two nights ago. Dr. Sullivan was in his call room watching Crossfit videos when his...

Medical Specialties as Harry Potter Characters

Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time....

Starbucks Offering Frappuccino Drips for a Limited Time

SEATTLE, WA - To help mitigate caffeine withdrawal in its hospitalized customers, Starbucks will be partnering with inpatient pharmacies for a limited time to provide Frappuccino drips and infusions to those who need it...
banana bag

Unsure What’s a Banana Bag, Pharmacist Just Bags a Bunch of Bananas

HONOLULU, HI - New pharmacist Aaron Prior-Auth admits he was flustered when nurse practitioner Karen Kaufmann called him up to get a "banana bag, stat!"  Using his instincts, he drummed up what was in...

New Dating Website ‘Just Pharmacists’ Proven to Reduce Cardiomyopathy

For many a lonely pharmacist, the only drug in critical shortage is love. Now, thanks to the makers of such successes as Ashley Madison, millions of pharmacists and people who want to live the...
aspirin 331 mg inflation

Full-Strength Aspirin Now 331 Milligrams to Adjust for Inflation

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) in conjunction with the U.S. Department of the Treasury have reported that they have increased a full-strength aspirin to 331 mg after adjusting for an...