Thursday, June 24, 2021

Medical Student Graduates Still Unsure of How a Period Works, Exactly

Dan Honsfeld has officially received his Doctor of Medicine this spring without ever fully grasping the concept of womanly bleeding as part of the menstrual cycle. "I understand the rise and fall of estrogen...

Medical Student at Home Gets Thanked for Helping Fight Coronavirus

At 9am Tuesday morning, medical student Colin G was making coffee in his PJ’s when he received a text from his Aunt Jan. “Hi Colin, this is your Aunt Jan. How are you? I’m sure...

COVID-19 Solution: In Event of Vent Shortage, Med Students Will Bag Indefinitely

CHANTILLY, VA - In the unfortunate but very possible event a surge of COVID-19 hospitalizations leads to a shortage of ventilators, the American Medical Student Association (AMSA) announced medical students will bravely...
gunner med student

Match Day! Med Students Find Out Where They’ll Be Ruling-Out COVID-19 on July 1st

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Though Match Day celebrations have been canceled nationwide, that won't stop fourth-year medical students from experiencing the shear joy of finding out where they will be constantly ruling-out novel...

Med Students Revolt! No One Notices

In an unprecedented move, medical students at University of Woeisme have joined forces and staged the largest revolt ever executed on school grounds. Citing discontent with undocumented 100-hour workweeks, condescending patients, disparaging residents, being...

MS-IV Doesn’t Match After Failing to Post Board Scores on Facebook

James Thomas, a fourth-year medical student, went unmatched this year after he failed to report his passing board scores on his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn accounts. Thomas was unable to secure a spot in...
standardized patient

Breaking: Standardized Patient Leaves AMA

TALLAHASSEE, FL - Standardized patient Lily Huron has left against medical advice (AMA) once she game to grips that none of these medical students would cave in and give her IV Dilaudid,...
excited medical students

Year-End Bonuses to be Paid Entirely in Educational Experience

Tampa, FL - For hospital CEO John Stevens, 2018 was a great year. Profits reached an all time high, and his board members had received record breaking compensation. In an effort to show his...

Thanksgiving Miracle: Medical Student Bovies Family Turkey, Remembers to Suction Smoke

Arlington, Virginia -- This Thanksgiving third year medical student at the University of Virginia and future general surgeon Tucker McMahon offered to carve the family turkey. Relatives were surprised when McMahon switched to Bovie...

Cardiothoracic Surgeon Identifies as Medical Student, Crushes Surgery Rotation

When asked if she felt like she had an unfair advantage against clearly weaker competition, Dr. Beer was unapologetic. “I felt like a student in my heart so I was just living my true self.”