Rodgers: Ryan Braun Was Confused About How HGH Works

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GREEN BAY, WI – Ryan Braun, left fielder for the Milwaukee Brewers, admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs on July 22.  Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers realized that his friend, Ryan Braun, did not know what human growth hormone (HGH) actually does.  “I wasn’t so much shocked that Ryan took HGH, because he is good at baseball, but what he actually thought HGH did!”  Rodgers told reporters after learning about Braun’s performance enhancement use, “I thought back to conversations we had and things started to make sense.”  Rodgers then went on to describe certain “odd” conversations.

HGH is usually used by baseball players in conjunction with steroids to help them get stronger and faster.  Baseball, like cycling, has a very accepted culture where you take performance-enhancing drugs, win, and then deal with the consequences later.

“One day he made a big point of showing me how his pants were shorter.  ‘Look Aaron, look how they go above my ankles.  I think I’m taller.'”  The 2001 NFL MVP went on to describe how he tried telling Braun, without success, that his customary hot water washing and hot drying was the likely cause.

“Ryan asked to see what height-and-weight percentile he fell into and if that changed.”  Dr. Mathers, his doctor who was also present at press time said, “I tried to explain to him he finished growing, and that the odds of getting any taller were very small.  I should have just said ‘zero chance,’ my explanation, I’m sure, gave him hope.”  At the doctor’s office Dr. Mathers said Ryan would interrupt him, and say, “Hey, watch this!” and try to jump and touch the clinic’s ceiling.

Rodgers continued, “We’d be walking somewhere, go through a doorway, and he’d say ‘Whoa, I almost hit my head!’  Or in my car he’d say ‘Is this as far as the seat goes back?’ things like that which I thought, strange at the time, but now make perfect sense. Brauny would also ask random strangers who was taller.”  Rodgers described standing back to back for an elderly couple outside of Fran’s Cheese Curds.  Rodgers gave reporters a copy of Braun’s heated letter where he wrote Topps Trading Card Company about his physical stats.  He now kicks himself for missing the signs.

Rodgers believes the 2011 National League MVP was also trying to get him to take HGH. “He would say things like, ‘Hey Aaron, don’t you think if you could see over the line easier, you’d be even better?’  I’m glad I laughed it off or I might be sitting out this next season too.”

“I’m glad I didn’t actually bet my annual salary on him being innocent,” says Rodgers.  “In retrospect that would have been a dumb gamble.”

  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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