NEW YORK, NY – Insurance companies have been struggling to stay afloat over the past 5 years. Most are financially in the black as the cost of medicine has skyrocketed. The “Just Say No” policy worked for about 20 years, but people caught on to that strategy and are finding ways to get around it.
A novel concept to help insurance companies get back into record profits involves paying claims out in Monopoly money and real estate. “Oh boy when you tell a client that they are going to get 1 million dollars and Pacific Ave with 3 houses on it or 2 railroads and a utility company, they become very happy.”
“I think we can get away with this policy for a few years before people catch on again, but at least it will buy us some time to get big profits back.”
Other insurance agencies will stop reimbursing patients for being seen on Saturdays to help cut down on costs. Healthnet executive Tim Freedmont says, “Most people never read the 18 pages of small type gibberish in our sign up application. We plan to strategically place ‘payouts will be in Monopoly money’ and ‘no reimbursement for Saturday visits’ nestled in some of those long, boring paragraphs.”