Drug Dealer Makes Seamless Transition to Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

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THE BLOCK, USA – Rarely does a multiple felon make a career comeback – apart from athletes, rappers, bankers, politicians, law enforcement officers, and anyone in the 1% – but retired drug dealer Green Giant recently beat those odds by becoming a drug representative.  Green Giant, now a successful pharmaceutical sales representative, had been incarcerated three times, as police allegedly kept seeing pictures of him on the same corner in Google Maps.

His car before he was a pharm rep

“On the block, they used to call me Baggies, aka Sour Patch, aka Holding Caufield, aka Field of Greens, aka Green Giant, aka Ziploc, aka Haze Nut – if you needed weed, I was the one you called.  I got tired of the two-phone lifestyle; you know how annoying it is to have two phones ringing at the same time?  Also, I found out that jail wasn’t for me.  I was then offered the plea bargain of a lifetime: a career as a pharmaceutical sales rep.”

Green Giant was very frank about how he got the job.  “I was kinda worried they were gonna do a background check.  When they found out I sold drugs, I got the job immediately.  Apparently, my priors were an asset.”

A representative from Giant’s company stated, “This guy was hilarious from the beginning; he actually asked us if we did drug tests on prospective employees.  Per protocol, I asked Mr. Giant to list three weaknesses; he said ‘intimidating,’ ‘aggressive,’ and ‘manipulative.’  We hired him on the spot.”

Green Giant says his life has really turned a corner since he’s been able to sell drugs legally and not on a corner.

“I used to be out on the block from 7 am to 3 am; now I work from 9 am to 5 pm, doing the same thing basically, but with benefits… There was no 401k on 156th St.  No dental.  The drugs I sell now, they have crazier names than the weed I sold: ‘ZQXQZPRM,’ ‘XNXXP.’  Hard to pronounce, son.  Like can they buy a vowel tho?” the new pharma sales rep told GomerBlog.

Giant only has one regret since joining the new drug business.  “Man, I wish somebody had told me not to bring fava bean salad to the G6PD deficiency conference.  I had to run for my life, like back in the day when I stole out of the stashhouse.  Those guys almost killed me!”

When asked for final comments, Giant had this to say: “I just want to let the kids know that they don’t have to sell drugs to make it.  But it’s also not a bad idea.  Also, lemme tell you about this new drug I got with mad efficacy versus placebo…”

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    LOL hilarious!

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