MONTPILIER, VT – Nathanial Monson, who goes by Nathanial [sic] for pretentious purposes, scored a 23T on the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). The MCAT is a four-part test designed to thin the heard of potential medical student applicants. Three of the sections have a numerical value up to 15 (for a total possible score of 45) and the final written section is logically scored on a scale J (lowest) to T (highest).
Mr. Monson is well known in online circles, quickly correcting all grammatical errors. He spends a large portion of most days not disagreeing with commenter’s opinions, but telling them they are “idiots” or “ignorant” because of missed punctuation or misspelling. He is quite proud of his MCAT written score of T. In fact a tattoo of a T was seen on his back, according to a source at the local swim club.
Nathanial even wrote the Association of American Medical Colleges (AAMC) about grammatical errors he found while taking the test. When the AAMC was asked to comment they replied, “In reference to the student that sent us complaints, we found many errors on his answer sheet. We could not find any grammatical errors on the written portion and had to give him a T.”
The national average MCAT score for acceptance to medical school is about 30. Applicants below this score must stand out to be granted interviews. Most schools drop the writing letter grade during the admission process and it is never referred to again, even when applying to residency.
Nathanial was granted three interviews this year and on each one he brought in his poetry so he could read excerpts. His favorite was a Haiku on the Kreb’s cycle. He also made the point that his T was one of only four given that year. “They don’t give out very many T’s,” Nathanial would tell anyone who would listen.
Most interviewers would have to ask Mr. Monson, “What is that out of again?”
“Yes, we were impressed with Mr. Monson’s command of the English language. Unfortunately he upset a couple of our staff here when he pointed out grammatical errors in their published research articles,” one medical school dean who would like to remain anonymous told us.
Of the three interviews he has accumulated thus far, one placed him on their waiting list, one rejected him, and another continues to ask for secondary applications and fees. Nathanial could not be reached for comment as he was at fencing practice raving about the Oxford comma.
Comment from A. Retentive –
There are several spelling/grammatical errors in the article. In the second sentence of the first paragraph, “heard” (which is the past tense of “hear”) should be “herd” (meaning a group of animals, usually ruminants). In the second sentence of the second paragraph, “commenter’s” should be the plural possessive “commenters’”, to agree with the plural pronoun later in the sentence. In the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, “even when applying to residency” would appear to refer to “[m]ost schools.” I believe what is meant is “even when the student applies to residency.” The name of the man for whom the tricarboxylic acid/citric acid cycle is named is Krebs, and the possessive is not used in referring to the pathway; it is the Krebs cycle. The first sentence of the final paragraph states, “Of the three interviews…one rejected him….” The interview did not reject him; the school did.