Report: Nurse on 3rd Floor Excited to Give 0.1 mg of Dilaudid

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CHICAGO, IL – Local nurse Melissa Jacobson’s shift just got better when she noticed what was written for pain medication on her patient. “Oh, Boy!  0.1 mg, I can hardly wait.  Goodbye, pain,” chimed in Jacobson.

“So excited to waste 1.9mg!”

“The annoyance to some – not me, of course – of wasting the rest of the pain medication is totally made up by knowing my patient’s pain will be taken care of with 0.1 mg of Dilaudid,” she said almost skipping, but not real skipping because skipping with a needle is the medical equivalent of running blindfolded with scissors.

Melissa stated that finding someone to waste the other 1.9 mg every 1-2 hours will help her bond with her fellow co-workers.  “I don’t mind asking someone else to stop what they are doing and take 5-10 minutes of their time to waste with me.  There is no way I’m carrying around the medication and breaking Joint Commission protocol,” she said on her way to the break room, where her food and drink were appropriately placed away from patient care.

After her patient reported 10/10 pain via a text message, Melissa noticed the lack of any other PRN pain medication.  “The day keeps getting better.  If there is something I love more than charting, it’s paging the resident, waiting for them to return my phone call, and then entering in a verbal order.”

“Having a Pyxis discrepancy at the end of my shift will top it off,” said Jacobson.  One of Melissa’s co-workers over heard her saying, “I won’t mind staying an extra hour after my shift to resolve it.  Pharmacy is so understanding.”

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Karyn Miller Allen

    I personally think 10 mll of that normasaline would have done the trick equally as well

  • Avatar
    Dilaudid Remnant Lee


    I has remnant 5 boxs, Dilaudid morphine4mg.

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  • Nick Angelis
    Nick Angelis

    Should have used Dilaumed.

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom


  • Avatar
    Len Clow

    i read your comment after the article. you piss off someone…no way!

  • Avatar
    Jessica Lea


  • Avatar
    Kerry Bridges

    For what? To piss someone off?

  • Avatar
    Carole Bryant

    Like hell…..

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Kenar


  • Avatar
    Sasha Andria

    I could barely read this…o_O

  • Avatar
    Sary Sambah Alsamby

    ء: http://v.ht/sEQS

  • Avatar
    Frank Ay

    Intern also equally excited to order it.

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