Local Man Upset He’s Not Getting His Healthcare Money’s Worth

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Clearing my arteries, money down the drain
Clearing my arteries, money down the drain

DAYTON, OH – Local resident, Phil Summers, complained that he isn’t getting his “money’s worth” when it comes to healthcare.  “I am in top physical condition, I have no need to see a physician.”

Phil is an avid triathlete and at age 41 hasn’t had an operation besides having his wisdom teeth removed, which was covered by his dental insurance.  Not only has he avoided the silver scalpel, he doesn’t have a prescription to his name, never has.

“I must be the unluckiest man alive,” Phil said referring to his loss of money in the healthcare system.

“I pay $250 a month and have received nothing.  For 22 years, just flushing money down the toilet.  This is what you get for being healthy,” the 7:24 marathon mile pace man complained.  The pace verified by his Facebook MapMyRun posts, on an almost annoying daily basis.

Phil came to this realization after he visited his uncle in the ICU after a 3-vessel coronary artery bypass graft (CABG).  “He was on a ventilator, receiving IV medication, and possibly heading back for another surgery!  Uncle Frank is getting his money’s worth, that’s for sure.”

Lately Phil has seen just how “unlucky” he has been.

While out on an 18-mile jog, Phil met a diabetic on oxygen and a missing left foot.  “I’m paying almost double per foot as that guy and receive 100 times less care,” as he pumped out 50 push-ups in anger.  “What a lucky guy.”

“I almost thought of just getting a vasectomy, just to get something out of my healthcare plan.  The thought of someone cutting near ‘Mr. Tripod’ convinced me otherwise.  Plus that prevents me from having kids, another way to get some value from this money black hole. Time to go shave my legs for the upcoming race.”

Photo Credit Roaming Redneck.

  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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