AMA: Casino Cruise Business ‘In the Works’

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CHICAGO, IL – The American Medical Association (AMA) was initially formed to represent the interests of physicians and “to promote the art and science of medicine and the betterment of public health.”  Lately their diversification has caused some controversy.

The AMA wears many hats: a publication company, CPT code reimbursements monopoly, an insurance company, among others.  In 1960 80% of physicians belong to this organization, now less than 30% pay dues, and this number is declining yearly.

As the AMA transitions from a members organization to a services company, many new changes will be rolled out in the coming years.

The AMA has provided insurance for physicians since 1988.  “Selling life insurance is like printing our own money,” Dr. Ardis Joven, the current AMA president, told reporters.  “Yes, we create guidelines for treating diabetes but we also have a goal of becoming a Fortune 500 company.  Let’s be honest, I didn’t join the AMA way back when just to get a better understanding and representation of my field, I’m after the almighty dollar!”

Dr. Joven also told reporters she cannot wait for the day a talking caduceus snake devours a gecko in a Super Bowl commercial.

The AMA successful transition – from only relying on their members’ dues – has helped them to diversify across many fields.  “We no longer just represent the interests of our members, which is good because they have left in record numbers!” Dr. Willis, an AMA board member, told reporters.

With the AMA’s success – mainly attributed to their weekly mailings asking all physicians to sign up for their insurance – they now want to enter the business of gambling casino cruises.

President Elect Bob Kah is spear-heading this initiative.  “The consumer has 2 choices: Cruise Company A: whose power may go out, have a boat-wide diarrhea outbreak, or capsize, vs. AMA Cruises: which all of that could happen as well, but the ship will be filled with doctors?  I believe the choice is clear.”

The AMA has purchased two cruise ships and is ready to sail into international waters to give physicians a chance with lady luck.  “Our table games will be second to none and our slots will be the loosest on the seven seas,” Dr. Kah stated.  Busty EKG techs serving drinks, the hottest band from 1983 Bow Wow Wow providing entertainment, and even possible CME credits.  “The boat will be in international waters to avoid most gambling laws.  Unfortunately, any CME activity may not be covered: a bit of a catch-22.”

Expect your daily AMA cruise invitations in your mailbox very soon!

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  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

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