Yawning: America’s New Epidemic

YAHNSBERG, YAWNSIN – The first case of yawning was reported in 622 BC by Cepheyawneas.  Historians may continue to debate if this case was Patient Zero, but they do agree there is more yawning today than ever before.  This has public health officials concerned.

Yawning is yaaaugggghn
Yawning is yaaaugggghn

“Everywhere I look I see yawning.  Then I yawn.  Yaaaauggghn…”  Jaun Yaunson said as he broke into a refreshing yawn, clearly infected.  “Yawning is now being classified as a communicable disease.”

“Perhaps this bug travels by photons because even seeing someone yawn, makes you want to yawn,” Yaunson from Yaunsville told GomerBlog.  “It is well known if you are in the vicinity of someone that starts to open their mouth slightly and let out a long refreshing yawn, someone is bound to yawn nearby.”

In fact, reading about yawning and seeing your friend yawn while the person next to them yawns, well, makes you want to yawn.

The CDC was suppressing this article for months because of the yawning pandemic a story about yawning would cause.  The truth must get out, no matter how much havoc it produces.

Specialists claim if you want to fully protect yourself you must wear a night-time blinder at all times to avoid seeing anyone yawn.   Wear grade IV ear protection so you don’t hear a loud “Haaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwhhh” followed by a “Nyom-nom.”  Their final recommendation: Don’t read this story.  (Suppression.)

“Yup, I’m just loading the gun, and many people across America will soon yawn,” this author stated for the purposes of this article.  “They’ll feel a tickle in the back of their throat – they’ll try to suppress it, even swallowing multiple times – but soon enough they’ll have to take a big breath.  At that time they’ll just have to give in to this highly contagious disease and yawn.”

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