ASA Updates Algorithm to Account for Redheads

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) released new guidelines that update their infamous ASA classification system to account for the anesthetic considerations of a patient with “red hair.”  “We experience vast variations in anesthetic needs in patients with red hair and we need a way to communicate this with our colleagues.”

"I plan on requiring a lot of anesthesia!"
“I plan on requiring a lot of anesthesia!”

The new classification features the “R” modifier to the ASA classification.  “For example a 23-year-old healthy female with red hair would be labeled an ASA 1-R, and if it was an emergency ASA 1-R-E,” Jan Hensen the head of the ASA released in a statement.

A family history of red hair is highly predictable for “requiring an amazing amount of anesthesia” and caution is advised for patients that appear “Gingeresque-looking.”

The ASA guidelines also recommend using higher MAC (minimum alveolar concentration) values for redheads and utilizing medications that combat feistiness.  Calm soothing music at extubation in the OR will help prevent a ferocious flailing fit which is all to common with redheads.

One final piece of advice involved transfusion practices.  “Redheads seem to bleed like stink,” according to Hensen.  “Have a low threshold for type and screening these patients, especially if you have an incompetent surgeon.”

Quoting numerous recent redhead studies published in The Lancet, the ASA did confirm that male and female redheads do in fact have souls, the carpet matches 92% of the time, most red heads hate when “redheaded slut” shots are ordered for them, and yes they truly are amazing in bed.

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  • Avatar
    Casca

    I’m fine with her.
    Lets just see if the carpet matches the roof

  • Avatar
    husaria

    LOL! I thought the same thing!

    She is more of a copper head ( no offense to actual copperheads ) than a redhead

  • Avatar
    GruntDoc

    “: RT ASA Updates Algorithm to Account for … http://t.co/TuLZlf8V5g #Anesthesia #Red_Head http://t.co/Zdg2wEAs6P” @MDaware

  • Avatar
    Mary Cook

    Colleen Brady Lindstrom

  • Avatar
    Megan Dinsdale

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Oh yeah, forgot about that one, thanks!

  • Avatar
    Jackie Bradshaw

    Megan Dinsdale-This made me think of you! Gotta support the Sisterhood!

  • Avatar
    Jonelle Murrihy Frazer

    Wesley Smith…hehehe

  • Avatar
    Carissa Typinski

    Amanda Selby Masterson

  • Avatar
    Laura McGregor Payne

    Tricia Morris!! You know I love you more than my luggage!

  • Avatar
    Mandy McClung Jones

    You couldn’t find a pic of a true redhead ;)

  • Avatar
    Aaron Joshua

    That is hilarious

  • Avatar
    Christy Stegemiller

    Aaron Joshua, have you read this ?

  • Avatar
    Mary Wehmeier

    Yeah– we have other needs too.

  • Avatar
    Grace Loehr

    What about transfusion guidelines, for their frequent postpartum hemorrhages?

  • Avatar
    Kellie Sloane

    We are amazing

  • Avatar
    Harold Arthur Fowler

    absen like n koment aja deh Gomerblog

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