New York Outlaws MRSA

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mrsatoday

ALBANY, NY – New York legislators recently passed a new law that outlaws MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staph aureus) in the state of New York.  This new law will make it illegal for one to have MRSA anywhere on their body.  “If you have MRSA, stay out of New York,” Governor Andrew Cuomo told reporters.

MRSA is a deadly pathogen that can be found on many individuals, but when it becomes infectious it can be very difficult to treat.  Doctors have struggled for years to kill this deadly bacteria, and they only have a few antibiotics left up their sleeves.

“We don’t want anyone to die from MRSA ever again, so we have to get rid of it; MRSA is not welcome in our state,” Cuomo continued.  “All of these shops selling MRSA will be shut down and driven out of New York.”

Many patients will be sent to prison if they don’t get rid of their MRSA by next month.  MRSA patients will be given a choice, prison or get bused to New Jersey.

Police will start carrying nasal swabs and if they become suspicious of someone carrying MRSA, they will have the right to swab them.

Cuomo went on to say that he hopes the rest of the nation will follow suit and “ban MRSA for good” except for New Jersey, just in case NY’s prisons fill up.

“We know that once something is illegal citizens start to avoid it.  The only place where MRSA belongs, is in our prisons.”  Cuomo said to a cheering crowd of supporters.  Many who held rally signs that read “MRSA, Go Away” and “MRSA, Not Today.”

New York is starting to get some kickback from the anti-vaccination crowd, which again is using skewed science to promote their claim.  “MRSA is natural and exists now only because of the medical community’s abuse of antibiotics.  Do your research.  That is why we propose making all the toxins known as ‘antibiotics’ illegal.”  Some call for the right to harbor MRSA and should be allowed to apply for a permit to carry.

Even PETA is claiming that bacteria have rights too.  They say creating an environment that could potentially “make MRSA extinct” was not healthy for planet Earth.

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  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Brad

    This satire is strangely prophetic of how they are now treating Ebola with forced quarantines.

  • Avatar
    Audrea Bentley

    Maybe some education for the governor what a bunch of idiots

  • Avatar
    PJ Dew

    I’ll be sure to let the germs know that they are now illegal.

  • Avatar
    Jay Aoyama

    http://xkcd.com/1147/

    shit!

    -jay was here!

  • Avatar
    Kerry Whiting

    Well, makes about as much sense as the (un) Safe act.

  • Avatar
    Elena Clifford

    Yet they’re ok with kids not having MMR

  • Avatar
    Jinny Kelly-Donohue

    The “gift” that never dies!

  • Avatar
    Dee Hoer

    LOL

  • Avatar
    Jeff Halford

    Genius… Can we outlaw breast cancer & multiple sclerosis too ? Can some ask Cuomo to do that please.

  • Avatar
    Katelynn Grilli

    Wendy Klemp Lavoie you do realize this is a joke right? And tons of normal every day people probably even you have MRSA on their skin but don’t have an infection? Every single person carries staph bacteria on their amongst many other types of bacteria

  • Avatar
    Karen Riordon

    LOL! Wouldn’t that be grand! Half the state (or more) would have to invade NJ!

  • Avatar
    Shane McJunkins

    This is satire. You realize that, right?

  • Avatar
    Shane McJunkins

    This is satire. You realize that, right?

  • Avatar
    Lyn Wilson Wyke

    Becky Dutton Lewis

  • Avatar
    Nicole Parker

    The amount of people that believe this satire blog never stops amazing me! Haha!

  • Avatar
    Wendy Klemp Lavoie

    How about banning doctors from practicing with active mrsa who fricking infect healthy patients. The ones who have the nerve to plead stupid that they have it. If the doc doesn’t know who the hell is supposed to. Someone in new York has mrsa brain.

  • Avatar
    Amy Cullum

    Next thing we should outlaw: stupidity

  • Avatar
    Vadim Korkhov

    This should be as successful as CMS’ “never event” regulations.

  • Avatar
    Meagan Rinck

    how can you ban something that is dormant in your body and you dont know you have it till you go to the doctor? Silly politicians

  • Avatar
    Joann Larkins

    Bahahaha!!!

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