er medical charts

Med Student Rotating in ER Always Seems to Pick Up a Chart Requiring a Pelvic Exam

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DETROIT, MI – Third-year medical student Ronny Wilkerson can’t believe the number of pelvic exams that he is performing on his clinical rotation in the ER.

er medical charts
Another pelvic exam!!

As in many ERs, the patient’s charts are placed in a folder as they are checked in.  Medical students are told to just pick the top chart as to not cherry pick the patients that they want to see.  This promotes “maximal learning potential.”

“I would say at least 50% of the charts I pick up require a pelvic exam,” stated Wilkerson suspiciously.  “I mean what are the odds when only 8% of the total female patients coming into the ER end up requiring a pelvic exam?”  He also notes that if it is not a pelvic exam the patient needs, the rest are in need of rectal exams.

Despite performing multiple pelvic exams, he still fumbles on what he should say.  “I still say I’m going to touch you down there.  I can’t believe I’m saying it as it is coming out.  I must sound like a creep!”

A nurse reported she had to leave the room when Ronny told a male patient, “Sir, please take down your pants, I need to put my finger in your butthole.”  She was seen in tears heading to the chart pile.  “Hey, Ronny, I have your next one here, bwaa!”

“Statistically speaking, this is amazing how the top chart for me has led to such a high rate of pelvic exams,” said Wilkerson.  “I know the EM residents and attendings would follow the rules that they set and only take the top chart.  They wouldn’t dare sift through charts to avoid these exams, right?”

When Wilkerson wasn’t fumbling around with pelvic and rectal exams, he was busy with male STD checks, alcoholics, pain medication seekers, and pediatric rash patients.

“Boy, this is nothing like ER on TV,” Wilkerson muttered, while taking a fresh urine sample to the laboratory.

  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the it looks good.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Shari Brandli

    Bahaha! What horrible memories! This is why I’m anesthesiologist: I work on the opposite end of the body from all of that vag business.

  • Avatar
    Shari Brandli

    Bahaha! What horrible memories! This is why I’m anesthesiologist: I work on the opposite end of the body from all of that vag business.

  • Avatar
    Christy Stegemiller

    And as the student nurse, you get to assist on all of these exams. Ugh. That got old quick.

  • Avatar
    Kris Adkinson

    So true!

  • Avatar
    Mici Gerkins

    Bright future ahead for that one. :-

  • Avatar
    Matthew T. Eaton

    Or, every patient he will be asked to do an H&P on will be angry and belligerent to the point of taking a swing at him.

  • Avatar
    Ed Maa

    I got stuck in the vagina vortex for an entire shift!

  • Avatar
    Judith A Meinke

    The stories that brings to mind!

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    LMAO! I thought this was supposed to be satire? Sounds accurate to me!

  • Avatar
    Betsy O’Herron Tolbert

    aka, the entire career of the mid level provider.

  • Avatar
    Cameron Hansen

    We don’t dub our ED “The Pelvic Center of Excellence” for nothin’

  • Avatar
    Victoria Morgan

    Ha! I have heard an intern say just that about doing pelvics in the ER. As if we ended up here on accident or something. had a good laugh at him.

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